The Revolution

I want to revolutionize awkward moments. We all have them. Many of us have them daily. I have them almost hourly. I’m an awkward person. It’s what happens to my people.

But the other day, I had an epiphany. Someone said something to me and I didn’t know how to respond. So I stood there silently, like I normally do, thinking how awkward this moment was.

When suddenly, like the divine gods whispering in my ear, I knew what I had to do. I sang this song:

(To the tune of “What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor”)

What do you do in an awkward moment?

What do you do in an awkward moment?

What do you do in an awkward moment early in the mornin.*

*You can substitute out any short description for the moment for the “early in the morning” part. Keep these words if a one-night stand calls you the wrong name. Or if you’re up early and somebody accidentally gropes you in the dark before you can get the light on. If you’ve accidentally interrupted an intense conversation, you could substitute the words “When you know you’re not welcome” as long as you keep the beat.

This song is more than simply the tune you sing. You must, must, must sing and dance around crazily and clap your hands to the beat while singing it with a giant smile on your face.

Soon the revolution will spread and when one person hears the song being sung, hundreds will join in. Imagine every awkward moment ending in a cheesy song and dance to avoid real human interaction. Eventually, we will have a universal hand signal for when the awkward moment song is about to be sung…and awkward moments will rule no more.

I will periodically tell you stories of times this song changed my life, so maybe you’ll start to use it in your everyday world, too.

Spread it like an pyromanic in a pile of dry leaves, my children. Let the revolution begin.

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