With the recent spike in deaths from swine flu or the “H1N1 virus,” researchers have decided to approach this pending epidemic with more than just a vaccine. They are working on actually creating a flu virus that can transfer from humans to birds and swine.
The idea came from scientist Victoria Paduchik watching her child play on the playground one afternoon. Paduchik elaborates, “When he got shoved down by the playground bully, he didn’t just vaccinate himself from the bully. In fact, we’ve tried that before and the bully vaccine only works 60% of the time. Eventually, he started shoving the bully right back.” When asked if the tactic worked for her son, Paduchik didn’t go into much detail claiming it was hard to really tell who the winner was amongst all the blood. The point, for her, was that the bully had finally learned its lesson.
So, she applied that line of thinking to the flu virus, approaching her boss about finding a way to take out the entire bird and swine population with a powerful human-based flu virus in order to eliminate the risk of humans getting swine or bird flu. Her boss, lead researcher Archie Linden, was fully supportive of the idea. “Without wanting to sound too cliché, lets just say that the best defense is a good offense,” He added, “Lets just say what goes around comes around. We could really kill two birds with one flu-filled stone here. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, in this case,” And finally, out of nowhere, added one more, “Let’s just say, they’ll finally get a taste of their own medicine. Or virus, rather. The medicine doesn’t really exist. Oh, bother, you get what I mean.”
The controversial research remains inconclusive at this time, but continue to check in for periodic updates.