Throughout the summer, many political hopefuls have been marching around their respective states, handing out candy and making a name for themselves amongst normal families. Normally this is an exciting and positive time for local communities.

For Belinda Werther of Middleton, Ohio, however, this is devastating to her family. “The parade route is right outside our back door, so we have to go check out every parade throughout the summer. And politicians-people supposedly concerned about my children’s future, are constantly handing out bits of candy. And…” she tears up, barely able to control herself, “…my kids are already so fat! And these politicans come in and give them more candy! It just feeds their sugar addiction! It’s awful.”

One politician, who only allowed us to use this quote if he remained unnamed, admitted to the complexity of the issue, “We have to choose the lesser of several evils here. If we hand out fruit, our hands could have germs on them that could get kids sick. Or, the fruit could be filled with pesticides and hormones, that it could have long-term issues. If we give out hugs, we are deemed as inappropriate and accused of all sorts of unsavory behavior. We have to give out candy. It’s the only option we’ve got left.”

For Werther, there’s no excuse. “It’s their fault my children are obese.” She began sobbing again and reaching for some ice cream for comfort food, claiming “I don’t know where they get the habit. It must just be genetic and there’s nothing I can do about it.” She takes a heaping spoonful of the ice cream and adds, “Nothing at all.”

*Authors note, the title of this story was from a contributing writer-though the content was from the usual source.