In a recent event, Michelle Obama was seen wearing a long-sleeved dress, covering up her muscular arms, often referred to as her ‘guns.’ Mrs. Obama, who has often come under scrutiny for showing her arms, created controversy by wearing a dress that covered, though clearly showed, her bulging biceps and terrifying triceps.

Many onlookers became nervous knowing that she had such dangerous weapons simply covered by a silky sheer dress. “I feel like if you’re going to have those things around, at least have them out in the open so we’re not all wondering if something is going to set her off and she’ll whip those things out and scare us all,” said Tom O’Conner, an innocent bystander.

Dwight Earl is one of the local heads of ‘We Luv Gunz’, an organization dedicated to getting more guns into the world in all capacities. He weighed in on the controversy by saying, “I think it’s great when Mrs. Obama shows off her guns and even better when she hides them. She’s finally mainstreaming our issue with every fashion choice she makes. It’s fabulous.” He quickly added, “I didn’t just say fabulous. Don’t quote me on that. No, seriously. Do not put that in the story or I will hunt you down.”

On an editorial tangent, I will be taking a slight break from writing these stories so I can change addresses, names, and citizenship.