The atmosphere of our nation’s capital turned messy today as politicians ran short and eventually completely out of toilet paper due to the high nature of crap they’ve been spewing out in recent days. By mid-afternoon, there was no toilet paper to be found in any of the stalls or closets in Washington, D.C.
Henry Clove, head of the district’s sanitation department, claims he is not surprised at all. “I’ve been warning the politicians for decades that an over-saturation of bull**** will eventually cause a deficit of resources to meet the politicians needs. We took a heavy hit during the past eight years, leaving us with a small supply of toilet paper for both election season and for the inevitable economic crisis.”
Though they’re expecting a new shipment of toilet paper to come in before Congresses next session, there are still enough politicians, lobbyists and big businessmen to cause a crisis in Washington.
Clove says, “We can only hope that this will be enough toilet paper to last them for the next few months. There isn’t an unending supply of toilet paper in the world. In fact, this area alone uses the second most toilet paper in the entire globe. Only Hong Kong beats us in the bull****ometer…and that’s mostly because of the sheer number of people there.”
Because politicians and constituents alike have become accustomed to the level of crap being spewed out of Washington at any given time, it is likely this toilet paper shortage may happen again soon before any more permanent solution is reached.