A young 24-year-old from Indianapolis who recently relocated to Chicago, IL, has successfully been accepted into the Second City Conservatory program after auditioning last Friday. The woman, who will remain anonymous, has stated she is “psyched” and “jazzed” and “gonna tear it up”.

The young woman claims to have moved to Chicago to pursue jobs as an actress and improviser. And this accomplishment is a great step in that direction, since it was one of the original goals of the move.

When asked how she would spread the news to her friends and family, the woman seemed hesitant, stating, “I don’t want to go on and on about it…but I am proud and excited so I’ll have to come up with some sort of clever but passive way of bragging about it.” Though she knows she could simply change her Facebook and Twitter status, she said, “That’s not my style. I write nonsensical fake news stories for fun and make those my status. I can’t start making my statuses real. It’ll throw so many people off.”

Though she remains unsure about how she’ll spread the happy news, she maintains that there must be some passive way to indirectly spread the self-centered message. She assures herself, “I’ll come up with something ridiculous. No doubt.”