It’s one thing to keep up with the Joneses. It’s quite another, to keep up with Dr. Jones, a self-diagnosed hypochondriac who not only takes on his patient’s illness, but usually one-ups them about his own ailments. As a result, it has been difficult for Dr. Jones to keep a consistent patient base.

“I don’t get it,” he says. “My name is so easy to remember and so fun to say. You can say it like that kid from the second Indiana Jones movie…you know, the one with an adorable but non-threatening Asian accent? Did you see that movie? I did. God, after the part where the guy got his heart removed with some other guy’s bare hands, I wore a chest plate for six months and avoided tan, bald men altogether.”

Throughout the interview, Dr. Jones had a hard time staying focused. Not only on the subject matter, but also on the interview itself because he was constantly popping pills or checking some stat of his.

When asked when he first began to realize he was a hypochondriac, he admitted it was during medical school. “I should have just quit at that point since my job was to become dealing with and listening to different diseases and ailments all day. But I had loans to pay off,” he says.

But, after medical school he wasn’t able to keep his job at a general practitioner’s office because of his rapport with the patients. “I’d get so excited when they told me about their diseases. I figured it was just time to share. I’ll admit I probably didn’t give them and their problems the attention it deserved.” So, he started his own private practice…which is constantly struggling for new patients.

Dr. Jones says, “It makes me anxious about income, which is not good considering I have anxiety, high blood pressure, and stress-related back problems.”