Mother Earth made a rare public statement yesterday morning, which shocked the nation. The famous entity, well-known for keeping a passive approach to dealing with humanity, finally spoke out about a phenomenon disturbing the planet.

And to most people’s surprise, it had nothing to do with global warming.

“I apologize for the types of creatures that have sprung up from the shoreline in New Jersey. Their existence and popularity is causing me such immense concern that I may return to my ancient Pangea formation in order to avoid the creation of more of these monsters.” The statement was short and to the point, yet it’s implications are chilling.

Clearly, the popular MTV show “Jersey Shore” is more disconcerting to Mother Earth than any pending imminent climate crisis. Despite the numerous meetings and summits on climate change and control, the earth has remained relatively quiet about the entire issue. It seems, however, that the popularity and rise of stars like “Snooki” and “The Situation” has caused the earth enough concern to threaten a cataclysmic change that could result in the death of millions.

When asked to comment on the issued statement yesterday, members of the “Jersey Shore” cast were too wrapped up in working out and tanning to respond.