Britney Spears is engaged to her long-time boyfriend and former manager, a stable man with whom she’d has been extremely happy. Based on Spears’ previous taste in men, experts are giving this union 10-14 days.

Kobe Bryant’s wife is filing for divorce after 10 years of marriage. The woman who notoriously stood by his side during allegations of assault and adultery cited “irreconcilable differences” for their reasoning. Turns out someone finally explained to her what assault and adultery actually mean.

Scarlett Johansson publicly complained about the use of her nickname “ScarJo” saying she didn’t understand how people would be so lazy as to not say her full name. Geez, ScarJo, don’t u know like airybody abbrev’s now? Who’s got time to say full names anymre?

Rob Kardashian is launching a dress sock line. Because the only thing more boring than Rob Kardashian are socks designed by Rob Kardashian.

Christian Bale was attacked by Chinese guards during a recent trip in an attempt to visit a controversial Chinese figure. Bale was apparently getting into the guard’s shot and screwing up their rhythm. The actor said he completely understood their frustration, having experienced something similar in the recent past.

A man in a santa claus hat robbed a bank in Encinitas this week, explaining to the teller that his son was sick and he couldn’t afford to pay. He added, “Besides, this hat alone cost me $40,000 so you can see why I’m strapped for cash.”