I downloaded it a few weeks ago, but I finally decided to give my “Workouts” app a try. It uploads new free workouts every week and they look pretty decent, so I figured why not.

I chose the ab workout routine. It was 12 minutes. The way it’s supposed to work, is there is a trainer’s voice you choose that coaches you through the workout, and you can refer to the given pictures as a guide as you move through it. It focuses on HIIT training, mostly, with different muscle groups getting blasted for different goals.

Some of the workouts are free and some of them you can upgrade the app and get. There is only one “free” trainer available and her name is Kim. As a stingy person, I wanted to try this product before I spent the extra few dollars to upgrade. So “Kim” and I got to work.

The thing is… “Kim” is a robot. She’s not even as believable sounding as Siri. She sounds like a Sit and Spell from 1996. So when “Kim” is saying “let’s go” and “good work” and “you can do it” and “a positive attitude will help you get through this” as dry as an amateur computer voice program from the early 90s, I can’t help but laugh.

I tried to get through the workout. I really did. I tried to use my excellent imagination to pretend that “Kim” was an actual person, but every time I heard her speak in her completely non-emotional computer way, I keeled over and started cracking up.

I doubt I’ll upgrade the software. It’s a great idea, but I have interval apps available that would do the same trick if I know the routines and moves. It’s a little more work on my part, but at least I know I can get through it without laughing to myself in the corner like an idiot.

And if you go to my gym and saw me in the multipurpose room losing my breath from laughter…that’s what I was listening to. Now you know.

And now you know, too.