I wear contacts. I needs thems in mine eyes to make me see good. And to makes me sound like a pirate from Alabama. Both them things. Arrg y’all.

Once every thirty days I have to switch out my contacts for a new pair and in doing so, have to give my eyes a breather. And that’s when I wear my feminine, sparkly, girly glasses.

Every once in a while, glasses day coincides with a heavy lifting day at the gym. Which always makes me feel funky because I wear my feminine, sparkly, girly glasses and lift like a beast.

This happened the other day. My glasses actually fogged over at one point. I had to constantly take them off in order to wipe the sweat off my face. I felt like a professor. But also a superhero. Like Professor X, but without the wheelchair. Or the amazing mind controlling powers. Believe you me, if I had those mind powers I would have had plenty of the men in that weight room sitting there with their shirts off. And I would have given deodorant to the old man who kept using the machines before me.

Instead, I just looked silly wearing my glasses. Sillier than usual, that is.