Imm be honest wichu, readers. I ain’t got tons a’ cash rite nah. I also ain’t knowin why I writin like dis. Feelz right. Feelz tite.

*ahem*

Sorry. I lost myself for a second there.

I was trying to tell you that my pockets aren’t “Rollin’ in the Deep” Adele style. I have to watch what comes in and what goes out carefully at this point in my life. I’m not super proud of it, but I’m proud of all the creative stuff I accomplish and recognize it as an investment in the future. Sure, I’ve been investing for a very long time. Sure, I don’t exactly know if every investment I make has a 1:1 ratio on return. And sure, I just pretended to understand returns on investments in the form of make-believe ratios and have no idea if it even makes sense.

It’s one of the only places in my life that I can still feel stressed to the point of frustration and helplessness. It’s the only place left in my life that will actually make me respond passionately, immediately and very emotionally before I’ve actually taken a moment to think. Just ask the terrible “doctor” I went to see for a basic office visit who sent me a ridiculous bill for services. If he doesn’t remember me, tell I’m I’m the chick who left a message. He’ll know. I’m not proud of that message…but it happened.

In the past couple weeks I’ve had to do what we all have to do and look over my finances and try and figure out my financial situation for next year to get a better grip on it. And as often happens, it can be overwhelming and frustrating. Especially when random bills come out of nowhere and you google it and it turns out you have to pay it because you didn’t know you could opt out and the date to fill out the opt out form is already passed. (Luckily for all of us, this particular bill had an office that was already closed and didn’t have the option to leave a voicemail. Otherwise, I’d be notorious in two different offices for my *ahem* passionate voicemails).

So in thinking about what I can do to remedy this situation that often leaves me feeling helpless, I’ve decided to do the only thing within my power and just change my attitude. Rather than being overwhelmed at the amount of money I seem to owe or frustrated by my ignorance of tax systems and bills and deductions and everything… I’m just going to breathe and take it one step at a time. I’m going to go to the tax office and pay what I owe the city of LA. I’m going to call my heath insurance and let them know they need to cover the quack doctor office visit because it’s part of my plan. And I’m going to use part of my rainy day fund to help me pay rent and groceries next month thanks to all these extra expenses. That’s why you keep a rainy day fund. In case of a rainy day.

I’m going to approach them one at a time and look at every situation from the perspective of what’s actually in my control. I don’t like owing money- hence why taxes and surprising bills stress me out. But it’s a fact of life. And it’s a fact of my own situation that I’ve chosen a creative and less lucrative path (at list at this point) so I’m going to have to rely on credit cards, coupons, and kindness for a little bit longer.

And that’s ok. It’s just money. It comes and goes.

I’m not gonna let it stop me from doing what I love or being who I am.

And- for the record- I’ll be paying all my taxes and bills with Care Bears checks. So I still win a small victory.

So bak up, tax man. Imma smack yo ass silly.