My Daddy Issues

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday. For Mother’s Day, I wrote a blog about my wonderful momma. I mentioned possibly writing something like that for my daddy. He insisted I don’t. Because that’s how he is. But I’m going to do something similar anyway. Because I do what I want. And he knows that better than anyone.

So here’s a list of 13 Amazing Things (in honor of Friday the 13th) my father has done and continues to dodaddy.

  1. My dad likes to say how when I was born, I stopped crying when he held me. He says I had this look in my eyes of, “So this is my new servant who will serve my every whim…. Excellent…”
  2. To this day, my father maintains I never cried as a child. My mom claims I didn’t stop crying until I got tubes in my ears because I was in constant pain. My dad insists she’s making it up.
  3. I had a ton of stuffed animals when I was growing up. I used to come home from school when I was younger and see that they had been up to lots of shenanigans while I was gone- power struggles, detailed room takeover strategies taped inside miniature manila folders, etc. I had to come home and save them.
  4. When I couldn’t sleep, I used to dramatically flop around the house making frustrated noises because I didn’t like being the only one awake. My dad would come in and tell me stories and keep me company until I would fall back asleep. He would make the stories up on the spot and they were often so interesting that he’d go on for a long time hoping to lull me to sleep only to have me quietly insist he keep talking because I was so entertained.
  5. I had recurring bedtime story characters with unique perspectives who would go on all sorts of adventures in the real world and return to their magical land to tell tales to the other magical creatures. All of which he would make up on the spot.
  6. When I was in middle school, my dad packed my lunch and every day included games and puzzles he’d come up with the night before for me and my friends to entertain ourselves while eating. He continues to pack my mom’s lunches for work. And usually prepares her dinner, too. And puts a napkin on her lap so all she has to do is sit and eat her warm meal. He often does the dishes, too. (Don’t get me wrong- my mom works hard, too. Dad is just willing to cater to her every need and what woman in her right mind wouldn’t take advantage of that?)
  7. We got to travel to Germany and Denmark together. One day in Denmark, we sat in the square and had a few too many (highly potent beers) and considered getting tattoos. Luckily, we decided to get dinner instead. Halfway through, we both realized what a terrible idea that would have been.
  8. I’ve made him love rap and hip hop music as much as I do. He’ll play hardcore rap with the windows down on the way to his government job because he’s the most bada$$ accountant and auditor in all the land.
  9. I have a few make-believe personalities, including a woman who’s convinced she’s an alien.  When I talk to most people about that, they’ll look at me like I’m a weirdo and change the subject. My dad and I have long debates about the people on her home planet and their actual intentions behind sending this woman to Earth.
  10. He makes games out of everything. We would listen to songs and change what they might be talking about so it would go from sweet to hilarious. Here is an example of that type of thinking years later in action. We would also say “The next song is about you!” and no matter what it was we’d have to describe why it was like us. Sometimes, he’d pretend the trees on the side of the road were talking to me and I’d talk back and we’d have long conversations about what it’s like to be a tree and where I was headed or whatever the trees felt like talking about that day.
  11. When it snowed or was freezing, he would go out and clear off the snow and ice and warm up every person in the house’s car before he went to work so we wouldn’t have to do it ourselves.
  12. While many of my friends are becoming doctors and lawyers and doing more traditional and stable jobs, he couldn’t be prouder of my own choice in career. He always tells me “the world needs more artists” and reminds me how proud he is of me and how exciting it is to be creative.
  13. I get a good morning and goodnight text every day.

This list could go on and on. These just scratch the surface.

I’m a writer/actress/comedian now. I think if you look at the list above, you can see where some of my highly active imagination, love of creativity, support and inspiration come from.

A lot of people seem to think women in entertainment must have some serious daddy issues. My daddy issue? Good luck living up to the most wonderful, loyal, creative, hard-working and hilarious man I know, buddy.

Love you, Padre. Happy Father’s Day.

PS-  Please send money.

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