Category: Funny

This is not a post that will criticize Instagram models. They’re just people doing their thing.

This is not a post that will remind you that everything you see on social media is carefully curated, filtered, and specifically chosen to be an artistic version of real life, but not actually real life. I would hope you know that by now and know how to keep your own boundaries to protect your mental wellbeing and happiness.

Nay, this here is a post to update you on a person I recently wrote about in a positive fashion. All good things must come to an end because I have seeneth with mine own eyes the truth about said person. And, forsooth, it is not pretty.

I’ll stop the half-hearted Old English thing. It just felt like it would add the right amount of drama.

I recently wrote about how I was “Inspired by Insta Models.” I pointed out in particular one person who looks like an Insta model and absolutely kicks butt in a difficult class. Both she and I have been committed to continuing to show up to this particular class. And the other day, we even practiced next to each other.

But then…it happened. She pulled a dick move.

Which, let’s be honest, is hard to do in yoga.

She did her usual kick assery with heavier weights than anyone else and with more energy and pizazz than anyone else. She’s a total badass.

During the cool down period (which, in my opinion, doesn’t last long enough but that’s probably by design because they’re trying to squeeze as much hard work as possible in the class and not give you ten minutes to chill out…), she continued to work out and do abs while everyone else was stretching. I hadn’t noticed if she did this before because I never sat next to her before. And that wasn’t even the part that bothered me. In fact, when she continued to do hard ab work when the rest of us were desperately trying to catch our breath I was like, “Dang, look at this total badass.”

After her ab work, however, she never took the time to stretch and meet the rest of us in savasana (the end to any yoga class). Again, fine. People skip out on the stretch and savasana part of class all the time. That, too, didn’t bother me.

What did bother me is that she gets approximately five sets of weights and a block (the average is two sets of weights and a block – and keep in mind by set I mean two weights). She gets a ton of them in heavy increments. So 10-12 weights sit around her mat while the rest of us have 4.

And she left them.

She just left them.

All of them. 

She walked out of class leaving the teacher to pick up her weights for her.

Now, listen, I was even willing to let this go. I came home and told my husband about it just to get it off my chest. But even then, I wasn’t going to judge her. I assumed she had somewhere to be. In the earliest classes, you get a lot of life butt kickers with busy schedules. So it’s understandable if sometimes you can’t see a class through to the end because something came up.

But she did it again today.

This very day, she did the same thing. Out early, all weights left.

I get that you need to leave. I get that you can’t carry multiple sets of weights back and forth in a busy room without making a scene. But you can carry one or maybe even two sets of weights. Maybe even the lightest. Maybe don’t leave all of them. Or, if you know you’re going to leave, maybe get fewer weights. Sure, it may affect the fact that you won’t have the perfect amount for one of the short sets of weight training we do. But you’ll certainly have close enough. And you can have fewer so you can actually take one of the sets back before you leave early.

Today, too, another woman left early. She left significantly earlier than most. But you know what she did? She put her stuff back before returning to her mat and grabbing it to leave.

You know what this did? Two things: 1. It made it so all of us still in the class could see this woman with brass balls be like “yeah, I don’t care, I gotta go” while we’re all still getting our butt kicked (so she risked embarrassment or judgment). And 2. It meant the teacher didn’t have to clean up after her.

Today when Insta Model Chick left, I felt slighted. Here I was adoring her energy and effort from a far only to have her spit my admiration back in my face like it was a carb she hadn’t allowed herself to eat in years.

For shame, dear Insta Model Chick. Treat your yoga studio like you do your body. It is a pristine temple that you have (at least a minimal amount of) investment to take care of.