Creepy bug victorious after woman’s failed attempt at chemical warfare

The Sunday began like any other for Patricia Carter, a young girl living in a small studio in Chicago. She spent much of it resting and readying her body for a long week, when she was suddenly attacked by a large, creepy-looking, winged bug.

Carter recalls those first close encounter moments vividly. “I was standing next to my bed when suddenly I felt this huge presence next to my ears and floating down my body,” she says, shuddering. “Thankfully, I was holding a large book at the time and was able to swat down the combatant quickly, before she could take in the scope of her enemy.

Moments later, Carter scanned the area to see what she had swat at. And that’s when she saw it. The monster looked to be a mix between a spider, a mosquito and a wasp-three bugs that haunt her. Unable to bring herself to squash it, partly out of fear and partly out of not wanting to clean bug guts up out of her shaggy carpet, Carter decided upon chemical warfare. She grabbed two bottles of bathroom cleaner and neared the enemy slowly.

Realizing she would only have one good shot before the creature used its wings to get away, she readied her mind and steadied her hands. And sprayed the toxic gases like they were water from a hydrant in a city on a hot summer day.

Unfortunately, however, the creature got away. It stayed within her sight and she attempted to squish it a couple times. Its speed and agility, however, kept it from imminent death this time around, and it flew underneath her already somewhat crowded bed.

Terrified, she sprayed both cleaners aggressively into the area in which it disappeared, hoping to gas it out.

Hours later, the creature has yet to reemerge in the studio. Carter waits patiently and nervously, convinced that every little twitch she feels on her body is the enemy coming out to attack her.

She had a tough time sleeping that night because, for the first time since her childhood, she truly believed there was a monster living under her bed.

Adorable puppy dog picture takes a bite out of anger in getting a parking ticket

In an attempt to make receiving parking tickets a more enjoyable experience, the city of Chicago has revamped the entire face of the parking ticket. Rather than having an ugly orange envelope covering up a plain white receipt with the amount of the fine, Chicago parking workers have a new weapon. Adorable puppy pictures.

Now, when residents of the already expensive city walk out to find that they’ve incurred yet another outlandish ticket because of some minor problem or arbitrary decision made by a meter attendant in a bad mood, they won’t see the familiar orange sleeve on their car. They’ll see the big, brown, loving eyes of a baby golden retriever and a wide, slobbery almost-grin. Upon opening the ticket sleeve, they’ll see the puppy cuddling down sweetly, with its little pink nose pointing at the fine for your vehicle. On the top of the ticket, it will read, “It’s ok. I’ll still be your best friend.”

The Chicago parking businesses truly believe this will help people cope with their anger and negativity toward getting a ticket. They even believe that if it rains and the outside sleeve gets wet, it may look like the puppy slobbered all over it and make people think of how cute puppies are with their uncontrollable slobber and they’ll forget about the fine inside.

Because it is only a picture of a puppy, those citizens who are allergic or nervous around dogs will not be bothered by having an actual dog near. And, it will help weed out which citizens have souls and which ones don’t, by seeing which people find the puppy adorable and which find it annoying. Parking enforcers believe that anyone who finds a puppy annoying has no soul and deserves to incur more fines in the future.

The parking companies are even hoping that having the puppy pictures will make people almost look forward to getting tickets, since many are already receiving them on almost a weekly or monthly basis. They plan on dressing the puppy up for various holidays and celebrations throughout the year if the program proves to be a success.

So far, people have not yet begun to appreciate the new precious parking tickets. Most citizens continue to argue with meter officials who write them up and groan at any new ticket that appears on their car.