Chicago Fire Department confesses having Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” as part of their workout mix

Nobody spoke of it the first time the song played over the radio in the workout room at one of the local Chicago Fire Departments. The firemen, who take care to keep their body in tip-top shape, are consistently creating workout mixes to motivate each other.

When “Party in the USA” came on over the radio yesterday, however, there was a moment of quiet within the workout area. After an awkward silence, Chief Bryan Jameson simply said, “Who listens to Miley Cyrus?” He and the rest of the men working out scoffed and laughed a bit, all agreeing the song was teeny-bopper crap their daughters listen to.

Nobody, however, made a move to change the song on the mix.

In fact, a one brave firefighter even began singing along. At first under his breath, but once he caught eyes with a collegue who was doing the same, he began to do it a bit more. Eventually, everyone in the weight room was singing “Then a Britney song came on! Yeah a Britney song came on!” and working out significantly harder than they ever had before.

The results were astounding. So many men were motivated by the teenager’s pop song that Chief Jameson has agreed to keep the song on all future workout mixes to continue to have stronger workers.

None of the men actually talk about the day they discovered they all enjoyed listening to that music. There is simply a quiet understanding that when the song comes on, they’re all allowed to go crazy.

Chief Jameson is considering adding Beyonce’s “Single Girls” to the mix, too, though he adamantly denies ever having heard it before. He simply says, “I hear it’s a good song. My daughter told me. That’s all.”

Fans astonished to find out Beyonce’s “Big Ego” and Britney Spears’ “If U Seek Amy” are actually innuendoes

It’s yet another quiet afternoon in the car with the Wilson family. The radio has been turned off since Tina Wilson, mother of Tonya age 13 and Trish age 11, realized that two popular songs her girls love were actually innuendoes.

Wilson loved Beyonce’s new hit Big Ego and Britney Spears single If U Seek Amy, until she thought twice about the songs. “There I was, singing along with the girls in the car, when I realized that these artists may not be speaking literally…they could be talking about something inappropriate.” Not willing to believe these artists would ever send such distasteful signals to young women, she searched Google for the answers. “I had to go to the only place I could trust. The only place I was sure wouldn’t be filled with lies. I checked the internet for my answers.”

A simple search rendered heart-wrenching results. As she had suspected, the songs were not speaking about a man’s self-confidence nor attempting to find a girl named Amy. With her trust and faith in modern music shattered, Wilson has decided to go on strike from all music until there are no more songs with any innuendo at all. This includes classical hits like Beethoven’s controversial 9th Symphony and the National Anthem. “Any form of somewhat organized noise could be sending me and my daughters inappropriate signals,” Wilson said. “I’d rather listen to the birds chirping…as long as its not a mating call.”

The Wilsons will continue to wait until the day there is absolutely no sexuality left in music. Ms. Wilson has faith that it could only take about a year or so. Until then, they listen to the sound of their car engine purring…but take care to not rev up it up too much.