How to Celebrity

Ijane lynch‘m lucky enough to work in Hollywood with people at all levels of the entertainment world. I’ve learned a lot from every experience and interaction I’ve had with tons of them and learn even more from other people’s personal stories. It’s no secret I hope someday to have a level of recognition for my work and influence like many of the “higher up” people I’m lucky to interact with.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from all the stories and interactions is to be a freakin’ awesome human being. No matter how “big” you may get.

To be humble, to be friendly, to be generous with your time and your money, to take time to chat with people on whatever set or show you’re working on,keanureeves to take time to get to know them and remember things about them, and to accept that once you’re “known” doesn’t mean you have to overlook anyone, anything, or take any of it for granted.

In fact, it’s part of your responsibility to be awesome. That’s part of the fun.

Every interaction you have will be a chance for a person to have a story about you. And because you’re part of the cultural fabric of society and are a recognized figure, people will delight in hearing these stories. You get the opportunity to make (lots of) someone’s day every time you have an interaction.

keyWhen I hear a story about an actor or public figure who went out of their way to be friendly and kind, I take note not only of how the interaction went, but also of the excitement of the person telling the story. And I always think to myself  “I want to give someone that same feeling when they walk away from something they worked on with me.”

It certainly doesn’t mean an obligation. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. You can bring a level of professionalism while still being kind. And we should be clear, big-name celebrities don’t owe anybody anything.

But it is certainly an exciting opportunity.

And after having been lucky enough to see some wonderful people do it right, I know exactly what I want do to when I get the chance. I want people to walk away feeling excited and enthusiastic and like they were a real contribution to the creative endeavor’s success. Because no matter what level they contributed- fan or extra or executive producer- they are integral and important to success.

But more importantly, we’re all just humans looking for connection and happiness. So if you can give that in a meaningful way, you’ve just gotta, man.

Make It So

692fc9dd16755212_PicardMainI ran into someone famous recently. That happens in LA. Especially in Beverly Hills at swanky restaurants.

I’m usually cool about it. That’s how you gotta be out here. And I did keep my cool for the most part. But the thing is… I LOVE this man. Love. Love love love love love.

So as he got up to leave, I snuck towards the door and quietly waited to ask for a picture and say hi. Because I LOVE him and would have never forgiven myself if I didn’t at least ask. He stopped to chat with me but declined the picture which is absolutely 100% a-ok and totally understandable. He couldn’t have been sweeter about it. It was thrilling to even talk to him for a minute. He owes me nothing- especially not a picture while he’s trying to just go about his normal life.

But it did make me have  new goal. I already want to work my butt off and become a big player in the entertainment industry. BecauseI know I can. Part of me is embarrassed to admit it, let alone write about it publicly… but screw it. I want to work hard, do good work, and bring laughter and light to tons of people because I know I can.

And then one day, when I’ve done some of those things, I will get a moment to hang out with some of my idols and will get pictures with them. Maybe they’ll even want pictures with me. Who knows. But I’ll get there.

I will make it so.


Data Diet

dataI’m going to brag for a moment. Please forgive me.

This past weekend I went to San Diego Comic Convention. And it was wonderful. And overwhelming. And I ate terrible foods and drank too much beer and had a fabulous time with friends old and new.

But one of the highlights of my trip was meeting a childhood hero of mine, Brent Spiner aka Data from Star Trek Next Generation. He was at a robotics party I went to. There was a cover charge for the party. I didn’t want to pay it. But I saw he would be there, so of course I forked it up.

And it was worth every penny.

He was kind and charming and took the time to really talk to every person who waited to see him. He didn’t just make it a photo opportunity, he made it a chance to get to know you and find out who you were. It was friggin’ delightful.

He gave me some advice. A few things, really. Most of them I’ll keep to myself because I think that’s ok to do sometimes. But he did offer me one bit of advice when it comes to being a comedic actress. He said get yourself in the best shape possible to give yourself every advantage in this career as possible. His point was essentially, if you already have a lot of things going for you (which he said I did… omg giggle giggle giggle!), it will do nothing but help you if you can be as in shape as possible. It’ll open up even more opportunities. (My friend joked with me later that “Data called you fat,” which I can understand how it may sound when I relay the story but I know that’s not at all what he meant. Or if it was, I was too many beers in to have taken it that way.)

The thing is- I completely agree with him. I talk about it sometimes in my posts. I’m in an industry that cares what you look like, so why not give yourself every advantage? Because I produce my own work, I can avoid some of the rigorous judgement. But the truth of the matter is, I want to create a career where I’m constantly producing work that people see. Which means people will see me in that work. So people will be looking at me. And I want to give them the best product possible. And the bottom line is that product should mean getting in and maintaining the best shape I possibly can.

So I told Data… I mean Brent… that I would get in great shape (right after Comic Con… because I was drinking a heavy stout beer during our chat). And I tell him about it after I did so. And he said he couldn’t wait to hear about my progress. And I giggled uncontrollably. And then we took a picture.

And I walked away promising myself I’m going on a diet starting Monday (today). And I’m calling it the Data Diet. And it might just be the most motivated I’ve ever been to get in shape in my entire life.

Thank you, Brent. Thank you, Data. Thank you, San Diego Comic Con.

I’ll keep you updated.

Sarah Palin, joining Fox News, misinterprets meaning of “fair and balanced”

Fox News, who’s news slogan is “fair and balanced”, has brought aboard with conservative icon Sarah Palin to be a new commentator for various programming. Palin agreed to do the shows in part because she believed so strongly in their slogan.

Palin quickly came to realize, however, that her interpretation of the words “fair” and “balanced” was completely different than the more general interpretation of them. An avid movie-watcher, Palin interpreted the word “fair” based on the musical-turned-movie “My Fair Lady.” She figured that meant that Fox News would give her a complete makeover-much like the McCain campaign only without the controversy- and would teach her to speak properly without her debilitating accent. She even hoped for a dance lesson or two, to more properly impress the well-to-do-men that surround her.

As for what “balanced” meant to the former governor of Alaska, she interpreted it to mean what most would consider symmetrical. “I, like Denzel Washington, have a very balanced face, which makes it pleasing to the eye,” she explains. “That’s why I’ll make a great addition to this team.”

When attempting to explain the differences in interpretations to Palin, she simply started laughing and said, “You like you could use a brownie,” and began cooking and humming away to herself.

Sarah Palin, joining Fox News, proud to be a part of the liberal media

“It’s nice to finally be in the trenches with the enemy, like a spy,” Sarah Palin, former Alaskan governor and vice-presidential candidate says about accepting her new role as a commentator on Fox News.

The former Alaskan governor and vice-presidential has accepted a role as a commentator on Fox News. Though she agreed to many interviews with the news source during the election, she admits calling all media liberal and still holds out the belief that this news source is part of that group.

“Sure, plenty of people think that Fox News can have a somewhat conservative bias,” Palin says. “But I’ve repeated time and time again how all news sources are liberal because they give information to the people without asking anything in return, which is really a socialist idea,” she adds, clearly quite proud of herself.

“But, for the first time in my life, I’ve been doing my homework. And I really think I can take this Fox News outlet and turn them into the one and only source of real news in the United States,” she explains. She plans on making them a real news source by taking issues she feels very strongly about in her gut, and simply stating her opinion as fact. In doing do, she hopes that they will not bring up any counter-arguments or other possible opinions. That way, everything she believes will become a fact. And the liberals who believe in telling a full 360-degree story lose.

When asked why she was willing to join the liberal media after her consistent bashing of it throughout the past year and a half in the spotlight, she said simply, “You should see my paycheck.”

Waiter of lower than average intelligence elated to learn mechanism named after him

Peter Webster is a hard-working man who has been a part of the food industry his entire working career. He began working at a fast food chain when he was 14 years old, worked his way up to manager, and eventually began at a local restaurant as a waiter. Waiting tables, Webster really found his niche.

“I am really patient and good a listening to people. I can also write and read a menu. I am a good waiter,” Webster explains.

Most of his peers and customers are kind and sweet to Webster, understanding that he may take a little longer to process information, but he is all in all a fabulous worker. On occasion, however, both peers and customers would call him-in a frustrated rage- a “dumb waiter.”

Though he has been always been aware that he was a bit slower than many of his peers, it was never an issue that caused him to become self-conscious. Webster knew his role within the restaurant community, and he knew other people, who were maybe a bit smarter than he, would fulfill other roles.

Webster’s world was rocked on Monday, however, when he discovered that there was an actual mechanism named after him. While riding in the elevator in his apartment building, he began to read a sign posted by the buttons that he had never seemed to notice before. The sign talked about the status of a “dumb waiter,” a phrase Webster had heard all too often associated with his name.

He was elated.

He called up his mom, dad, and boss and immediately explained the good news. His hard work had finally paid off because somebody he didn’t even know was naming a working mechanism after him. He was, after all, a working mechanism himself.

Since the discovery, Webster has found an extra bounce in his step where there once was a bit of a lag. He has found patience with both customers and peers who may get frustrated with him. And, on the rare occasion somebody calls him a “dumb waiter,” he smiles at them knowingly, often winks at them, and says, “That is correct. I’m willing to sign any autographs or take pictures if you like.”

New Mexico man convinced of alien paparazzi

Harold Pinkner, a 56-year-old New Mexico resident, has had a relatively uneventful existence. At least in this universe. According to Pinkner, he is a celebrated famous figure in the galaxy of Millwahkeesbst, a yet undiscovered and unconfirmed distant place.

What separates Pinkner from the rest of his friends and neighbors who also claim to encountered creatures from different galaxies is his insistence of the evidence. Says Pinkner, “I’ve done see them takin’ pictures of me. They do it when my defenses are down and it’s raining. I’ll step on outside to check out the rain and boom! There’s a flash of light and the sound of a buncha spaceships rollin’ away real quick.”

Pinkner said he has noticed the flashes at a very early age. He always attributed it to the weather, claiming that when it rained, a strange phenomenon occurred with flashes of light in the sky. After several decades and a lifetime of loneliness and taking refuge in cheap beers, he began to realize the truth. He must be a celebrity on another galaxy.

When asked how he discovered the galaxy’s name, he answered simply, “It just kinda came to me one night as I was starin’ at some of the beers I’d been drinkin’. I knew. I’m sure it’s because they whispered it to me in some way I couldn’t understand.”

As for why the creatures in the far off galaxy would be so fascinated with him, he said, “I’m a fascinatin’ guy. You don’t know me! Don’t act like you know me!”

Pinkner continues to allow the aliens to snap his picture when there’s an onslaught of rain. He has even begun posing for them and acting surprised when they take the pictures, even though he hears their space ship clamor away shortly after each flash.