Tag: joke

Actual Gym Boyfriend!

Briana Hansen1 Comment

Ask and ye shall receive.gym couple

You guys… I have a gym boyfriend. One more meeting and he’s basically a gym husband at this point.

I’m so excited I can hardly stand it!

Here’s what happened: I got a late night workout in last week. I was doing stuff on the bench press. I remember because I remember thinking how lucky I was to snag a bench press. Little did I know that was only the start to my luck.

I was doing combo moves, one of which included using the bench press to step up in like a horizontal lunge.

Two guys were not far from me on another machine. I didn’t pay attention to them. How could I know one was my future gym boyfriend? We can’t always tell these things!

So I’m between sets, resting for a minute and magic happens. A guy comes up to me and says, “I like your shoes,” and smiles. I was like “Oh… yeah… thanks.” I wore my ridiculously bright shoes. I didn’t even realize I was like a bird in the wild with my crazy colors attempting to attract the opposite sex. But that’s exactly what I did.

Then he smiled at me. Yes. You read that correctly. He SMILED at me.

So I put my headphones back in and looked down. Keep in mind, my last gym fling didn’t last. I don’t know if I’m ready for more gym commitment. I just didn’t know.

But he and his friend stayed closed. He made funny faces at me. I made my eyes wide and awkwardly looked around. He asked if I needed a spot. I didn’t have any weight on the bench press because I was focused on high reps not heavy weight. I said no but thank you. Then I started forcing myself to breathe because this is the most I’d talked to anyone at the gym in a very long time.

Then I went to a different section to stretch. It was by the stairs to go upstairs. He wandered around saying hi and bye to various people. Before he went up the stairs, he made a point to say bye to me. He made it a point, you guys. It was… exhilarating .

I mumbled bye awkwardly and continued stretching.

I haven’t seen him since. But I can’t wait until our second gym date. Maybe I’ll even make eye contact this time. WHO KNOWS!

It’s over

Briana Hansen1 Comment

sad heartIt’s been almost a month since I last wrote about my gym boyfriend. When I wrote about it then, we hadn’t seen each other in quite some time.

As of today, I still haven’t seen him.

So I’m calling it. It’s over. I can’t even start obsessing over my rebound fling guy because I haven’t seen him, either. And there are no other guys at the gym who tickle my fancy. So I guess it’s over. I’m gym single. I’ll have to just go back to focusing on my workout and not giggling and pretending to stretch in the corner. Ugh.

Maybe they got cold feet. Maybe they really felt the connection between us and got by the intensity of our (my) eye contact. Maybe they just stopped working out. Or maybe they somehow found this blog and moved far far away from LA.

Whatever the reasoning, I’ve decided to let it go. Move on. You’ve gotta get rid of the old stuff in your life if you want to make room for the new. I’m not expecting a gym superhero to show up (my old gym boyfriend looked like Superman…). I’m just accepting that it’s over. And I’ll move on.

Maybe I’ll even start real relationships with actual people that I speak full sentences to.

I dunno. That seems like a lot of work and I don’t want to further stress myself during this already difficult time.

Podcast Episode 54: Coincidence & Timing – Show Notes

Briana HansenLeave a comment

photo1Today’s Femoir: The Podcast episode we talk all about the age-old debate- is it a random coincidence or does everything have meaning?

Here’s the quote I love:

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

-Helen Keller

You can subscribe to all these for free on iTunes. They’re constantly changing and constantly weird.

As always, I’d love to hear back from you about what you think of this particular topic or these podcasts in general or just how you’re doing (what you’re wearing/not wearing).

Also as always, thank you for listening, friend!

Paper Towel Headband

Briana HansenLeave a comment

sweet styleLast week at the gym, I saw a lady get creative. She took a bunch of paper towels out of the dispenser, tied them together and wrapped them around her head like a sweatband.

I assume this would work. The towels would absorb the sweat.  A little bit. Assuming the knot she tied stays and she only sweats for about five minutes.

While I think it was a creative idea if you forget your sweatband at home, I think just keeping a paper towel around to wipe your face off as it sweats would be just as efficient.

She just looked pretty silly. That’s all.

And I’m all about silly. 

So I guess what I’m saying is… I’m jealous she thought of it first.

 

New Gym Boyfriend!?!??!

Briana Hansen6 Comments

I need everyone to stay calm. This could be a passing fancy. But I’ve may have a new gym boyfriend.

It’s nothing official yet. It’s just… last week I went a little later than I normally do.  Though there were many people around, my gym boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Probably already at his job saving lives. Because I imagine he’s in one of those life-saving professions.

So of course I just got in my zone and did my workout. I’m focusing on some new stuff, so I actually had to concentrate more than usual.

Then it happened.

I was doing squats on a squat rack and doing ab work on an incline bench in between my sets. And a guy came up and started using another squat rack near me. And my incline bench was kinda in his way. So I moved it so it would be more out of his way.

And a miracle.

He looked at me, smiled, and said “Thank you.”

So I smiled and looked down. The continued my workout.

The next day, he was in the weight room again. He was doing an exercise near me. We totally made eye contact. He had a glimmer of recognition in that fleeting moment of eye contact that made me realize he recognized me just like I recognized him.

Then! The next Saturday, I was at the gym again and this group of big dudes all hang together and gossip like school girls. And who hangs out with them? The same guy! And get this- he saw me again! We totally made legitimate eye contact.

Now… I don’t want to rush things. I know that relationships like this have to move slowly. And I know I’ve already made an intense emotional commitment to another man I’ve never spoken to at the gym.

But this guy actually makes eye contact with me. My other boyfriend never did that. He said something to me once. My other boyfriend never did that. He works out near me. I always had to creepily workout near my last boyfriend.

I’m not going to be hasty and just end things with my old gym boyfriend because some new guy spoke almost a full sentence to me. I’m not crazy.

Besides, the old gym has finally reopened and I’ll probably be headed back there in the mornings. So there’s a good chance I won’t see this new guy anyway. Plus he works out later in the day during a time I typically can’t get to. We have a lot of things working against us right now. I just don’t know if we’ll make it.

But maybe…just maybe… I’ll see my regular gym boyfriend at my regular gym at my regular time. Then on the weekends, I’ll run into my fling. That’s what I’ll call him. My gym fling.

A girl can only dream.

It’s healthy to date lots of people at once. It’s even more healthy to actually talk to them and have them know who you are. But one step at a time, people. One step at a time.

Polar Vortex

Briana HansenLeave a comment

I’m glad my loved ones on the east coast and in the midwest survived the Polar Vortex these past couple days. I know a lot of people lost heat and it was frustrating and scary for folks. I hope you stay safe as you return to work and school tomorrow.

I know how it is to be cold. Here in LA, it got almost down to 50 degrees last night. I considered putting on my full-length wool coat.

Am I being an asshole? A little bit. Why? Because people make fun of LA and those of us who live here all the time. So this is one of the few moments I get to gloat.

I mean it when I say I’m glad everyone stayed warm and safe. And I also mean it when I say I had a wonderful the day at the beach and golfing while you were all being pummeled with snow.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the grocery (where they’re going to charge me for every bag I didn’t bring from home) to buy (overpriced organic) groceries that I’ll put in my car (that I have to make a hefty monthly car payment on) that I’ll drive back (on fumes because gas prices are so high) to my studio apartment (that costs more than most of my midwestern friends mortgage payments on their 3 bedroom homes).

But I don’t mind. I’m gonna drive with the windows down because-Whew!  It is really gorgeous out today.

Prepping for the Influx

Briana HansenLeave a comment

I love goals as much as the next person.

No. That’s not true. I love goals a lot more than the next person. I love goals a lot more than the average person. I’m a big, big fan of setting and pursuing goals.

But I have to admit, I’m anxious for the New Year.

Only because I’m also protective of my personal space. And I just know it’s going to be overtaken by people who made resolutions to work out when I do.

And good for them. But UGH… it’s gonna be busy. Hopefully they’ll all have given up by February.

Not because I don’t want people to be healthy. I want you to be healthy! Just, you know, not if you’re inconveniencing me. That’s all.

Is that selfish? Ah, screw it. I’m selfish.

And I’m selfishly enjoy the last few quiet weeks in the morning at the gym with all the regulars. We’re all embracing for the influx.

*Le Sigh*

Laundry

Briana HansenLeave a comment

I live in an apartment with a shared laundry facility. It’s old school. We still use quarters and have hand-written signs above the washer and dryer with instructions. It smells weird and costs too much for a load of laundry. I’m not the biggest fan of doing laundry as a result.

But I have to get over that. Why? Because I workout. And when you workout, you sweat. And those sweaty clothes need to be cleaned because you only have a small number of sweaty clothes available. So you have to clean those clothes. So I suck it up, get my quarters, and do laundry often in the jankity washer and dryer.

I’ve known people who wear the same thing to the gym almost every day. They just hang up the dirty clothes by a window and re-wear them until they’re absolutely unbearable, then they wash them. Yes, these people are men. And, yes, it’s totally gross. They reek when they’re at the gym. I’m not a clean freak, but I have standards for myself.

And, I have to admit, there’s a weird part of me that feels proud that most of my laundry is gym clothes. It means I’ve been productive and sweat a lot. And lots of productivity and sweat means self-improvement. And self-improvement means growth. And growth means change. And change is good.

Speaking of- anybody have any change? I’m out of quarters and have a load of dirty gym clothes that need cleaning.

 

The Gun Show

Briana HansenLeave a comment

Got your tickets?

I do comedy. It’s kinda my thing. I do it as much as I can. I’m constantly writing and performing and working on my craft.

I went to this one open mic yesterday that I love. It’s a really sweet environment and it’s GIRLZ ONLY.

I wore a nice sleeveless top because it’s laundry time so my pickings are slim.

And I’ll be honest, in that lighting, my arms looked fabulous.

I had just worked out my chest and arms that morning, so I felt even more confident. I went up to 20lbs from 15 lbs. I couldn’t get as many reps, but I did wear myself out which was nice.

I do this in part because I get onstages a lot and like when my fabulocity is noticed.

And believe you me, last night it was noticed.

Also because I pointed it out to everyone listening. So…

8 espressos 10.7.13

Ab Pic for Lil Wayne

Briana Hansen1 Comment

As promised, last Friday for Lil Wayne’s birthday, I uploaded a picture of myself next to Weezy and Tupac.  Since this blog was the first to know about it, I wanted to make sure I shared it with you.

Happy Bday WeezyMy abs look aite. They’re not at Weezy level of strength or definition yet, but they don’t look all that bad. Good lighting, angles and filters help of course. But, for those of you who have read any other article on this blog, you know that I consider my stomach my weak point. So I’m pretty proud of the fact that I’m slowly but surely turning it into a strength.

I think the look on my face really makes the pic anyway.

And in case you’re wondering, I wrote “HAPPY BDAY WEEZY” on my stomach.

And in case you’re wondering, this is for my character personality B-Eazy (@BEazyHipHop).

And in case you’re wondering, yes, I might be insane.