I’m Going In

October was an odd month for me. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of being really in touch with my gut and lots of waking up in Cavecold anxiety-provoked sweats because something was off but¬†I didn’t know what.

Maybe I sound dramatic. But that’s my style. So deal.

It really was an odd month. A bunch of strange things that kept making me feel more “off” than usual. For various reasons that I’m not going to get into here.

Needless to say, it was a bit of a wash of a month for me in terms of my positivity and productivity.

And I kinda just let myself wallow a little bit. And I don’t regret it. Because I didn’t want to push myself. As a woman who can easily push down her emotions and let good old denial take the reigns, I have to be careful to not just ignore how I’m feeling because it’s inconvenient and not productive.

I was tired and sad. So I let myself be tired and sad.

I was lucky that one of my bestest friends in the world and one of the most positive people I know happen to also be going through a weird month. I wasn’t lucky because I wished that on her by any means. But we both agreed it was kinda nice to have someone to wallow with. It made us both feel a little less alone.

But we decided November is the cut off. Once November starts, the name of the game is productivity, positivity, and proactivity. We’re going to distract ourselves into thinking we’re back on track. And maybe by doing so, we’ll actually get back on track.

I stayed in on Halloween and spent the whole time writing emails and making an ambitious schedule and setting clear goals for the rest of the year. And journaling. God I journaled the shit outta those emotions.

And I woke up November 1 excited and ready. I’m no longer going to wallow. I exorcised those demons on All Hallows Eve. It’s time to focus on me and focus on the things I love most- creativity and entertainment. I call this “going in” because I’m about to turn my focus into hyperdrive. I’m gonna be on a bleeping mission for the next several weeks. And I’m gonna accomplish a boat load.

I’m going into the cave of wonder and focus. If I’m not out by the holidays… just know I went down doing what I love.

Lucky Lady

The end of the year is always a good time for reminiscing. And I want to take a moment to reminisce about how lucky I am to have the friends I do in my world.

For the past year, I’ve been better about keeping a journal more than I ever have in my life. It chronicles the day’s adventures. It chronicles my career progression. But it also chronicles the friends I’m lucky enough to have in my circles. And damn. They are some kick ass friends.

I’m not a native of Los Angeles, so my friends out here are my chosen family. And I gotta say- I’m lucky to have chosen and be chosen by them. I get to hang with some of the funniest, most supportive, nicest, and most entertaining and interesting people in the universe. I am constantly in awe of how lucky I am.

And outside of LA, I have a beautiful network of people who are extremely supportive and loving and hilarious and inspirational and interesting. And I’m so grateful. Like, so so so grateful.

How lucky can one girl get, really?

It’s funny. When I first starting pursuing my career goals hard after college, a part of me started seeing some of my peers ascending and progressing much faster than me to national and international stages. And I was happy for them. But there was this part of me that was frustrated and jealous every time they achieved and I didn’t.

I don’t know if its perspective or age or maturity or what… but I can honestly say that’s no longer the case. Now, I’m so proud of and excited for all my friends that when someone does something spectacular- I’m almost more excited than they are for it. It feels like such a better headspace to be in, too. It’s more natural and creates more enthusiasm and light for everyone.

My one friend has a web series that is being featured all over with hundreds of thousands of views. He is killing it. And I couldn’t be more proud.

Another friend is in a major holiday production at a theater in town. She’s hilarious and will annihilate the role and hopefully get huge gigs out of it. Because she absolutely deserves it. And I couldn’t be more proud.

Another friend of mine has a series on Comedy Central she wrote for premiering. WHAT? That’s so freaking awesome. I’m so excited for her.

One of my friends has become a legitimate rockstar. I was there for his solo piano shows in coffee shops just before he formed this band. Now I hear him on the radio, in Trader Joes and at the gym. He opened for a huge rockstar last summer. Because he’s a rockstar himself. And if you know me, you know I still freak out and giggle profusely every time I hear his song.

Have I mentioned I’m so freaking proud of these people? And these are just a few. The list goes on and one and on.

All of these are a reminder that dreams come true.

And that a rising tide raises all ships.

So if you’re reading this and you’re working hard to accomplish your dream, I’m so freakin proud of you. And if you’re one of the people I’m lucky enough to have in my inner circle and consider a friend, please know that I am so grateful to have to you around.

Like, fo realz.