Disappointment or Despair?

disappointment (1)I was nominated for an award a couple weeks ago for a project I created. I mentioned to a close friend I was excited about possibly winning because I thought I stood a good chance. They said, in effort to lovingly protect my feelings, “Don’t get your hopes up. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

And I had a visceral reaction of complete disagreement.

I don’t ever want to lose the ability to hope. Because if I don’t even have hope that I can accomplish something, I’m setting myself up for a life of despair.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t win the thing I was nominated for. And truth is, I wasn’t all that disappointed. The person who won did a spectacular job and I was glad to even be considered. The cash prize attached to winning would have been delightful, but maybe it’s making way for something bigger and better. Who knows!

You never know how these things pan out and I choose to believe they happen for a reason and the universe is always conspiring to create your greatest good. So I don’t know what every small decision will lead to. All I know is I have to trust my gut, do what I think is best, and choose to believe I can achieve something spectacular if I just keep going.

When I was living in Chicago, I got this pretty great audition for an awesome opportunity. I was already considering moving, but I told myself that if I got this really cool thing, I would stay in Chicago and ride this wave out. I didn’t get it. I was a little disappointed. But that set in motion my cross-country move to a city that thrills me, and to a life that I feel very excited and satisfied by that is setting me up for the career success I’ve always wanted.  A minor disappointment turned out to be a major gift in the grand scheme of things.

I’ve got some major stuff coming down the pipeline. On Sunday, I’ll be in show where I’ll be arbitrarily evaluated based on standards I’m not told by people I don’ t know who will decide an outcome I have no control over. Do I want them to like me? Of course I do. Am I hoping to do my best and to live up to their standards? Of course I am. I’m hopeful that I’ll have the outcome I want. I’m going to do everything I can to get that outcome. But if it doesn’t happen, I’ll be disappointed. But that’s ok. Because it’s proof that I cared in the first place.

I’d rather believe in myself and my abilities and look forward to the best possible outcome than to walk around always telling myself that I probably won’t get what I hope for.

Because you never know. So I choose to stay hopeful. And I choose to continue to let myself feel- both the good and the bad. And to remind myself to keep perspective on everything because you never know what’s around the corner.


Podcast Episode 48- Thoughts (Show Notes)

On this episode of Femoir: The Podcast, we focused on our thoughts. Those crazy little whirlwinds that take over our every waking moment and help mold our realities.

This is the book I referenced, The Magic Path of Intuition (I said the wrong name… but this is the book! I’m already on my third reading. Easy to read and feels good in the bones!)

This is a book I read years ago (as suggested by one of my favorite all-time comedians, Gary Gulman), The Magic of Believing.

And here’s a video about the same subject that I also buy:

I know some of it might be too much (and you’ll hear me admit where I think the faults are in these arguments during the podcast) but I also know that when I live my life as if these principles are possible and true, it’s a much more exciting and happy life.

Give hugs freely

Maybe it goes along with my lovey-dovey themes lately, but there is something that’s been on my mind lately and I wanna share it.

You guys…we all need to give our hugs more freely.

Why? Because you never know who could use it.

A couple weeks ago I lost a friend. She suffered for years from severe depression.  On the outside, she was extremely bubbly and full of life and loving and passionate. But she had demons. Legitimate demons. She struggled for years with them.

I don’t for a minute believe that a single hug would have made a difference. This woman was surrounded by people who truly loved her and showed it often. She had a medical condition that she battled for years. And eventually, her condition won.

I do believe that it’s good to be reminded that you’re not alone in the world. It’s good to be reminded that somebody cares about you. It’s good to be reminded that you’ve got support of people around you. It’s good to be reminded that people- though they do mean things- are inherently good.  And sometimes, it’s good to be reminded of all this without excessive wordiness. Just through a single, simple action. Like a hug.

Now, I’m not advocating you go out with open arms and hug everyone in sight. Mostly because, as a person with a self-described “stranger magnet,” I do not want to be attacked by more strangers who know I will politely accommodate to almost all their odd requests.

I’m advocating we all take a moment and recognize that the people around us are human beings with their own unique stories, problems, issues, strengths, and demons. No matter how put-together someone might seem on the inside, they could be struggling with some deep-seeded issues. And maybe- just maybe- you taking the time to truly listen to them or ask about their day  or smile or even give a hug, could make a world of difference.

Maybe it will and maybe it won’t. But I’d venture to say that if you actually take the time to do a small kindness in your day in some capacity, you’ll feel calmer and more rewarded and connected to the world as well. So really, you can only gain from the gesture.

So if you feel like the moment calls for it, give someone a hug. It’s pretty much accepted among my friends that they could at any given moment get a hug from me. And if they introduce me to someone important to them, that person’s getting a hug. Why? Because you’re important to my friend so you’re important to me. I don’t care if it makes them uncomfortable. Unless the situation is totally inappropriate (and there are some, you guys, I’m not total hippie dippie), my go-to move is the hug.

I’m a hugger, for sure. I happily give hello and goodbye hugs freely. I think people come to expect it at this point from me and I don’t mind meeting those expectations. It’s nice. It’s a reminder that I have a community of people who care. It’s a reminder of closeness. It’s a reminder of sameness. Plus, it’s healthy!

People need to be touched (appropriately). So why not be the instigator to do it?

So, you guys… open those arms and bring it in. HUG TIME!

Ticket perspective

Last night, I came out to my car from an open mic in Santa Monica only to find I had a $53 ticket waiting for me. I made a mistake. I thought my meter had an hour more than it did. It was just an honest mistake. But it didn’t make the ticket suck any less.

I’m not exactly swimming in extra cash right now. I’m strapping up for an intense summer of car payments, credit card payments,  and a few weeks missing work to go home and visit. A ticket is not something I have in the budget right now.

I could choose to be very worried or upset and let the whole thing ruin my mood/day/week.

Or I could choose to have a little perspective on the situation.

While I’m not going to pretend that I was jumping for joy when I saw the ticket sitting on my car, I took a breath and thought about it. I was mere feet away from the ocean (a place I love) in one of the most beautiful cities on the planet (that I have worked hard to get to and continue to work hard to stay in). I just spent the past couple hours hanging out with like-minded spirits (comedians) and got to do what I love most (perform). I’m currently driving someone else’s car ( a close friend while he’s in Japan because he knows my card needs some work I can’t afford at the moment). He even gave me his credit card to give it a tank of gas for the month, even though I would be the one driving it. I was heading to another open mic that night because I’m lucky enough to live in a world where the chances to perform are plentiful and the ceiling for what you can accomplish is limited only to your imagination. I’m young. I’m healthy. I’m free. I know what I love to do and I get to do it often. I am constantly meeting new and interesting people and learning more about them and myself daily. I’m extremely lucky to live the life that I live, and am grateful for the joy and energy that surrounds me. I have a job. I can pay bills. I can pick up more babysitting if push comes to shove. I’m lucky to know some great families out here and have worked for some awesome references in the past. I’m also lucky to love children and not mind taking care of them for a little extra cash to help me pursue my dreams. I get to laugh all the time. I live in a world filled with people who love laughter and love to make others laugh. I also have awesome friends and family are are hilarious in their own right and give me unwavering support.

A $53 is just a minor inconvenience in a world filled to the brim with positivity and magic.

I’m lucky. And I know it.

And one little ticket is not going to screw all that up.

Besides, as I took the ticket off my window, a guy with a sweet, friendly golden retriever came up and started a quick conversation. His dog attacked me with kisses and affection and I loved every moment of it.

So jokes on you, City of Santa Monica. Your ticket didn’t ruin my day  at all.

But let’s not make this a habit, ok?