Many question whether Palin is fit for Fox News, claiming she is “unbalanced”

Despite the clear excitement from many of her conservative supporters, many people are now wondering how good a choice it was for Fox News to bring Sarah Palin onto their news team.

The news networks slogan for years has clearly been “fair and balanced,” and though they admit to not caring too much about remaining true to it, many people argue that Palin’s addition is a slap in the face to those who believe that the station should be “fair” and “balanced.” For them, Palin is clearly an unbalanced person, with many issues and demons she faces in the public eye every day.

From stepping down from being governor of Alaska midway through her term in order to finish a set of memoirs and go on a lucrative book tour, to preaching abstinence-only education while having a daughter who becomes a teenage mother, some argue Palin is the definition of someone who is unbalanced in both her career and personal life.

When confronted with the hypocrisy, Fox News representatives replied with a simple, “Meh. She’ll get us good ratings we hope.”

Sarah Palin joins Fox News cast; her new makeup artist quips she’s now “Going Rouge”.

Despite always wearing heavy makeup along the campaign trail to appear fresh and chipper, Sarah Palin faces a new challenge in a world seemingly filled of them for her. She will be a regular commentator on Fox News. This time around, the challenge will be adjusting to having TV makeup put on her before she gets on camera every single time.

Few people are accustomed to the layers of TV makeup that are required in order to look natural on camera. Palin’s new makeup artist, who has been specifically assigned to her every time she goes on air for consistency purposes, joked that Palin is now “Going Rouge” because of the high amount of foundation she’ll be putting on her skin. When making the joke to the former governor, Palin looked at the artist stone faced and said, simply, “It’s Rogue. Going Rogue.” The artist, wanting to make a connection with her new client, joked back, “Oh right-like the X-men!” Palin, remaining stone faced, repeated, “No, like rogue. Like a maverick.” In one final feeble attempt, the artist responded with, “Top Gun style?”. There was a moment of silence between the two woman, which was finally broken by Palin saying, stone faced, “It’s Rogue.”

Despite the pitfalls, the makeup artist still hopes Palin will understand the joke one day and the two can be friends. “At least she didn’t call me the “L” word,” she said. “That liberal title can mean unemployment around here.”

Palin says she will comment on Fox News via satellites on her front porch, claiming to want to “keep an eye on Russia”

Sarah Palin, Fox’s latest newsroom hire, has claimed that she wants to do many of her interviews via satellite in Alaska rather than making the trek to the continental United States. She claims that she needs to keep an eye out for Alaska, even though she’s no longer governor. She says she protects Alaska now by often staying out on her front porch and staring at Russia.

Palin feels more adamantly than ever, given Russia’s current political changes, that it is really important to guard the home front from the front lines. She wants the entire nation to see what a brave citizen she is by staying on her front porch and watching Russia with “snake eyes.”

“Much like the scouts in the wild, wild west who were sent to watch the horizon, so I sit with my eye on the border,” she said, quickly realizing it was a statement profound and poetic enough to Tweet.

When asked how often she would be seen actually in person on the station, she answered, “I hate going into the lion’s den because New York City has so many liberals. But I’ll do it if that’s what my country needs.”

Until her country calls her, however, Palin remains faithful to Alaska by sitting on her front porch and staring into the distance, simply muttering “Stay off my lawn, Ruskies. I know you’re out there,” as do the other old men in neighborhoods all over the world.

Fox News will replace words with colorful drawings on cue cards for new commentator Sarah Palin

Upon signing Sarah Palin as a regular guest commentator on Fox News, immediate changes began to be made all over the station to accommodate her. Any coffee mugs from Caribou Coffee were immediately outlawed, for fear that the former governor would shoot at them upon first sight. All the stations women workers were given specific Palin-style glasses, whether or not they had a prescription that needed them. And, perhaps most significantly, her cue cards were agreed to be changed from words to colorful drawings.

While the rest of the Fox News commentators will use large words on their cue cards, Palin’s representatives say she does better with more general, abstract reminders of the points.

For instance, if there’s a debate on healthcare coverage, it’s more helpful for Palin to see a stick figure labeled “Democrat” with bloody knife standing over a stabbed senior citizen and a small picture of Obama with a Hitler mustache in the corner. Or if the discussion is centering around the economy, it’s helpful for Palin to see a picture of Obama with a turban and a Hitler mustache burning a pile of bills. Or, if the discussion is about terrorism, it’s helpful for her to have a picture of Obama with a Stalin hat on top of his turban and a Hitler mustache in a treehouse with a label of “Secret Meeting! No Republicans allowed!” sitting next to Nancy Pelosi, Hilary Clinton, Osama Bin Ladin, Pol Pot, Stalin, and Hitler himself. All of those people would have to be labeled for clarification, but the general gist should be clear enough to give Palin room to riff on the subject matter for a while.

The colors also help keep her attention span, which has been known to wane on occasion. When called out on her inability to stay on a single subject matter for longer than a few moments, she sighs and simply explains, “I am such a woman!”

Fox News admits using different camera angle on new commentator Sarah Palin, in order to accommodate both her legs and her hair.

New Fox News commentator Sarah Palin is known not only for her hard-line stances on many controversial issues and simple expressions that attempt to reach all Americans. She’s also known for having both brains and beauty. Especially the beauty.

Not since Condoleezza Rice has a person shattered so many stereotypes about what it means to be a woman and conservative. Both Rice and Palin have an extraordinary ability to speak and think like wealthy, old, white men. But, their appearances are quite different.

Palin is what some consider traditionally pretty. She has moderately nice features and puts herself together well. A former beauty pageant contestant, she knows how to hold herself with poise and speak when spoken to, two traits conservative men love.

And conservative men also love her toned legs, which she shows off in both heels and skirts, and her non-threatening updo. For many men, it reminds them that as much power as she might garner, she still cares about what the opposite gender think of her enough to keep her hair long and take time to put it up every morning. And for many conservative women, she is the epitome of retaining elements of your femininity in a liberal world that wants everyone to wear flannel and convert women to lesbianism.

That’s why Fox News will be catering to Palins unique look by creating a very specific camera angle that encompasses both her legs and her hair, to remind viewers why it is they listen to her. That way, they can have the station on mute and still glean all the information from her that they could possibly glean.

When asked to describe this camera angle and how they could possibly always be sure to feature two distinctly different parts of her body, Fox News representatives simply said, “You’ll have to watch and see.”

While speaking directly to the American people on Fox News, Sarah Palin pauses uncomfortably long, apparently awaiting response from the masses

During her first major network commentary on Fox News, new hire Sarah Palin was adamant that she speak directly to the pubic through the cameras. This tactic, which she perfected during the McCain/Palin 08 campaign, is a choice she has become well known for.

This time, however, rather than simply saying what she wants to say to the American public and moving on, she tried a different approach. She waited patiently as the cameras continued to roll. When asked what she was doing, she gave a slight wink and said simply, “Waiting for the American public to respond.”

It was a good two minute pause in the newsroom before anyone could convince Palin that she could not hear directly back from the American people so she needed to move on with the rest of the commentary. She only acquiesced after one of the producers pretended to be a member of the general American public that wanted to tell her everyone was on vacation and couldn’t talk right now, but they’d be back later.

Convinced she had gotten the response she wanted from her pause, she looked around the room and simply said, “Told ya.”

Sarah Palin gets in fight with TelePrompTer, accusing it of having a liberal bias

After being hired on as a regular commentator on Fox News, Sarah Palin has already found the latest scoundrel who is trying to make her look stupid because of its own political, liberal bias. The TelePrompTer that she’d been using to read off of.

“That prompter began moving way too fast, making it difficult to read and making me look like I didn’t know what I was saying,” Palin claims. During the incident, Palin began getting flustered, which started with some unnecessary “don’t know knows” coming out of her mouth and culminated in a single strand of hair coming undone from her updo hairstyle.

When asked how she came to the conclusion that it was the TelePrompTer’s own political agenda that had caused the onscreen breakdown she replied, “Two words: Barack Obama.” According to Palin, because Obama has mastered the art of using a TelePrompTer effectively, he has somehow courted the entire community of TelePrompTers and convinced them to slyly undercut the careers of all conservatives he felt threatened by.

Palin claims that members of the liberal media are all part of this grand conspiracy, but nobody will report on it. Except, now, Fox News. Through her.

“These TelePrompTers need to be called out for what they really are, members of the liberal elite,” she says. Needless to say, the TelePrompTer she was using during the aforementioned incident has been fired, and is currently collecting unemployment. “Typical lazy, social-parasite liberal,” Palin added.

The White House refused to comment on the accusations.