Cologne Incapacitation

I’ve said it before. I will say it again.5170609728_24be6c86ba_z

I know a body like the guy in this cologne ad requires a lot of time at the gym. I get it. And I thank you for your service to society by creating such sexiness.

But my god- I cannot breathe when you spray heaps of cologne on your body then begin to sweat it off at the gym. It becomes more potent than it already is without sweating. It is awful. I need to gasp for air.

Please. Please. Please, fellas. If you feel the need to be attractive at the gym, do so with an extra tight shirt or fitted spinning pants. Please… spare us with the cologne.

This is my last nice warning. The next time I write about this, shit will get real.

Thank you.

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Streeeeeetch Yourself

yogi nora

I love Yoga and stretching but I’m absolutely terrible about making time for it. I’d rather lift or do sprints every time. Even though I know if I take the time to stretch, my body will be grateful and perform even better the next time I want to do life or sprint.

So I’m working on being better. Like all things I know I’m lacking, I try and make an effort to improve (even if it’s minimal at first).

I’m making time once a week to do an online Yoga video (there are so so so so many on YouTube for free!). I discovered this one by a lady named Yogi Nora. She smiles a lot. Which is good. Because her deep stretches are very painful so I’m cursing a lot while doing them. So we basically balance each other out.

We did approximately 6 stretches in 30 minutes and I was nearly sobbing from the pain in each one. And I was sore for three days after the stretching because it pushed my body in a way I haven’t been pushed in a very long time.

And now I’m making time weekly to have this smiling yoga teacher put me through self-inflicted torture so I can get healthier. Maybe someday I’ll even stretch twice a week. Maybe someday I’ll even have a thriving yoga practice. Maybe someday I won’t start crying because it hurts so badly to move into a certain position because it’s so tight and I never take the time to stretch it.

Maybe. Or maybe somebody can shoot me now and put me out of my misery!

Gym Discovery

discoveryThere’s a gym in Hollywood I don’t frequent, but I’ve gone a handful of times. Part of the reason I like LA Fitness in the first place is because there are lots of locations so I can go to different places depending on what side of town I’m on.

The Hollywood gym, which is right in the heart of Hollywood just steps from the stars on Hollywood Boulevard, is one I go to on occasion. Part of the reason I don’t frequent it is because I didn’t see a free weights section. I figured there probably was one, but I never looked too hard. I just stuck with the easy to see machines and simple cardio.

But the other day… I kept walking. I walked down a hallway I’d been near before and decided to just keep going.

Why didn’t I do this before? I didn’t want to look like I didn’t know where I was going. But the truth is, I didn’t know where I was going. And the more important truth is, nobody was paying attention to me. And the most important truth is, even if they were paying attention, I don’t care about the opinions of strangers.

And there it was.

A huge free weights section I’d never seen before. A giant chunk of the gym that I had never before discovered. I was like Christopher Columbus (because there were already tons of people there who clearly knew it existed but I felt a weird sense of ownership because I found it for the first time myself which doesn’t really make sense but I felt proud anyway).

Lesson learned: Never stop exploring. You never know how you’re limiting yourself until you push the existing borders and boundaries of the world around you.

Also, every gym probably has a free weights section. So just keep looking.

Hollywood Pretty

It’s no big secret that I belong to LA Fitness. I typically go to one main gym nearest to me. But I like having the convenience and ability to go different locations in the city depending on my day’s schedule.

Last Tuesday, I had some time to sneak into the LA Fitness right in the heart of Hollywood. It’s literally located on Hollywood Boulevard feet away from The Chinese Theater and tons of other Hollywood landmarks.

And it is filled to the brim with actors and pretty people.

Everyone around me was beautiful. They’re in excellent shape, perfectly proportioned people with amazing skin, hair and teeth who love to watch themselves workout in the mirror. So they were clearly actors.

When I went to the cardio section, half the treadmills were filled with magazines and the other half were filled with highlighted scripts for people memorizing lines.

I even recognized some people I’d seen on TV and other’s I’d worked with around the city. So. Many. Actors.

But these are my people. I’m an actor at heart too (despite the thousand other things I also love doing). So I workout because I’m trying to look good. Sure, it feels nice to be in shape and it’s important to me that I stay healthy… but I really want and need to look good to help catapult my career. And having tons of beautiful, in-shape people kicking their butts around you is excellent motivation.

Plus! The Juice Bar even comes equipped with the ability to give you your own eating disorder! I got a post-workout shake that gave me food poisoning later that night! I totally puked up everything I ate the whole day, which inched me a little closer to my goal weight! Thanks, LA Fitness Hollywood Juice Bar! Now I know how easy it would be to be bulimic (just in case eating right and exercising regularly aren’t good enough)!

Sore is Good

If you’re out of shape and you first start working out, almost anything you do is going to make you really sore.

As you get into a workout routine, your body adapts. If you do exercises regularly, it’s harder to make your body sore unless you push it. It’s still very doable (up the reps, increase the weight, do a combination of both).

I make a little next-day soreness a goal of every workout. I want to be able to feel the difference in my body. It’s easy to be complacent and be ok with just getting to the gym. And at a certain point in your fitness goals, that can be a major accomplishment.

But soreness means you’ve pushed past a previous barrier. Your body is recovering from something you did that shocked it. It’s replacing the old stuff with something stronger.

Like anything else, a little pain means a lot of gain.

So know that the dumb walk you have to do because your legs are still killing you from yesterday’s squats should be a stride of pride, not a walk of shame.

And now, here’s the poster from the movie “Pain and Gain” for your inspirational viewing.

pain and gain

The Gun Show

Got your tickets?

I do comedy. It’s kinda my thing. I do it as much as I can. I’m constantly writing and performing and working on my craft.

I went to this one open mic yesterday that I love. It’s a really sweet environment and it’s GIRLZ ONLY.

I wore a nice sleeveless top because it’s laundry time so my pickings are slim.

And I’ll be honest, in that lighting, my arms looked fabulous.

I had just worked out my chest and arms that morning, so I felt even more confident. I went up to 20lbs from 15 lbs. I couldn’t get as many reps, but I did wear myself out which was nice.

I do this in part because I get onstages a lot and like when my fabulocity is noticed.

And believe you me, last night it was noticed.

Also because I pointed it out to everyone listening. So…

8 espressos 10.7.13

The Chipper

Once in a while, I get to go to a personal trainer. Long story short, it’s a sweet deal and I’m always grateful and excited when I get the chance to go.

Today was one of those days. We started with this series my trainer referred to as “The Chipper.” It sounds innocent enough, but it makes you feel like your body just went through a wood chipper.

I plowed through with all my heart. I had to take some serious rest breaks between and even during the exercises once or twice. I let out a few cuss words while doing the repetitions and I had to dig deep. When I was done, my trainer told me I did a great job. He said he’s been having all his clients do “the Chipper” and very few have done it as quickly as I did.

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I COULD GO SLOWER! I just took breaks when he told me to and started up again when he told me. I COULD HAVE GONE SLOWER?!

My reward for such great work? We did another intense 40 minutes of strength training. He emphasized during the strength training to rest up in between sets because he said he wanted me to go all out so I would feel it the next day.

I’m writing this post the same day, because I’m afraid even my fingers will be sore from that workout tomorrow.

In other news, I have a hint of abs trying to sneak through my stomach. Just a hint. Still exciting.