My Husband Loved Me into Skinniness

Okay, listen. I need to know. Why did you click on this article?

Was it because you were already subscribed to this blog and a notification popped up and you knew that, despite the title, the content would probably be something unrelated? Was it because you saw the satirical title, knew me, and figured it was probably some sort of a joke and needed to know what on earth I was talking about?

Or was it because you wanted to genuinely know how my husband “loved me into skinniness” like it was some sort of diet fad or strange controlling relationship where I don’t even realize I’m being manipulated into becoming his perfect woman while losing myself in the process?

What was it? Was it the click-baity title? Because that title is a joke. And I’m worried about you if you clicked on this thinking it wasn’t.

Well, sure, it’s somewhat inspired by true events. But as inspired by true events as like the movie Titanic. The Titanic really sank (I’ve genuinely lost weight) and people were on board (my husband does love me). Otherwise, most of the in between is make believe.

Fine. Let’s get into it. Why even write a title like that?

I found a video of myself on my old archives (when I was actually looking up stuff for my old show Femoir which is now the name of my ongoing podcast – check it out!). The video was an early performance of my touring show and one of the first times I ever visited Los Angeles. I was living in Chicago at the time but came out for a festival being performed at a now defunct comedy theater right on Hollywood Boulevard. I was so excited to be out amongst the showbiz hubbub. At the time, I figured I’d probably move to LA but I didn’t know when and wasn’t in a hurry. I enjoyed the show, had decent audiences, and got to tell people I performed in the heart of Hollywood. And I saw some celebs come in and out of the theater, so all in all a very exciting event.

All this was long before husband. It was when I was either dating someone forgettable (they all were) or when I was single and being rather forgettable (I often was boringly focused on my work).

I saw this video and started laughing because, boy, I had a few extra pounds on me if I do say so myself.

Screen Shot 2019-01-16 at 7.39.49 AM.png

I wasn’t laughing because there’s anything wrong with carrying some extra weight. Nor was I laughing at myself because I looked weird or was shaming former me. I was laughing because, until that moment, I had honestly never seen it on myself.

See, I always had the gift (curse?) of plenty of confidence. I loved athletics and my body is and has always been pretty strong. Though I’ve gone through phases of being more toned than others, putting on some extra weight never really bugged me. I guess you could say I knew how to work it. And I still felt plenty beautiful. (And still snagged hot dudes because I was (and am) funny AF.) Or maybe, at least, I was so focused on being funny I really didn’t care too much what I looked like.

Seeing that video made me realize for the first time why people were, as of a couple years ago, starting to say “You look great” or somehow imply I had lost weight. I didn’t really get it. I knew that I had begun running more and (and this is the big one) become absolutely obsessed with yoga. Eventually, I did notice that my clothes fit different. I had a bit more confidence about how I looked in some slinkier outfits. But honestly? Overall? I felt about the same despite getting markedly more in shape (thank you again, hot yoga).

So what does my husband have to do with any of this? Welp, he started dating me when I had slightly more weight in inconvenient Santa Claus style places (as you can see in the picture). Maybe not as much as what this picture shows (this was Chicago weight – the result of 9 month winters and a genuine love of beer). But I wasn’t good at taking care of myself generally. I’d workout enough – I have always really loved/needed physical activity. But I never pushed myself to hard out of my comfort zone. And, more than anything, I ate garbage.

Nutrition always had to come at the expense of my genuine love for acting and comedy. I felt like I had to choose. I could eat rice and beans and butter to feel satiated in order to have enough money to pay for classes and shows and all the stuff that goes along with it. OR I could eat somewhat healthy. But even healthy eating meant time I didn’t want to spend meal prepping when I could be writing or creating. I was obsessed and simply using coffee, sugar, and chocolate to push through the plateaus of adrenal exhaustion.

Enter: Hubs. He’s provided a lot of wonderful things in my life. But, for the purposes of this article, we’ll focus on the fact that he’s a great cook and an extremely healthy eater. From the time I started dating him, I started getting much healthier food in my life more regularly. He makes this salad – a SALAD of all things – that’s incredibly filling and delicious (and healthy).

Before dating him, I honestly thought of anything green as a pointless filler. They were the useless stuff on hamburgers that restaurants were obligated to put there so it looked prettier. You needed to take them off so you could just enjoy the burger and the buns. Now, thanks to what I’ve seen in terms of my physical health and energy levels, I try and figure out ways to insert something green in every meal like a freaking weirdo health monster.

When he transitioned from boyfriend to husband, the benefits have only skyrocketed. We now take time to meal prep. We both are committed to eating healthy and sticking to a budget when doing so (so I can’t go splurging on my sweet tooth anytime it tickles my fancy because we’ve got goals bigger than that chocolate bar now). And, because he’s a good cook, he gets on my case if all I’ve eaten is rice and beans. He’s shown me ways of eating economically but still balanced and way better overall for my body.

Over the past several years, my body hasn’t slimmed down crazily, but it has toned up significantly. And a huge part of that is largely because I live with a healthy, happy guy who has helped me become as healthy and happy. He treats food like fuel not like something you shove in your mouth so your body stops yelling at you so you can move on. I’ve found balance and actually enjoy spending time cooking with him (not to mention enjoy having healthy foods readily available because it makes my body so happy).

He didn’t force me into being skinny so he could love me more. He just loved himself enough to take care of his body and understand what it needs. I saw that and took it on. And he supported me because that’s what good partners do. And, I gotta tell you, it feels great. I highly encourage all of you to find love in a hungry place.

I feel good and I look good. And that’s largely thanks to my husband. And, of course, my beloved hot yoga.

 

Advertisements

Coach Potato

fitness21No. I didn’t misspell couch. I meant coach.

I’ve been considering getting a fitness coach for a little while. Not a personal trainer (momma can’t afford that right now…) but a fitness coach. There’s this lady online named Rachel Nicole. She’s picture here. She’s in badass shape. And her prices are reasonable.

I even emailed her. I wanna buy the 3 month package. She gives you the whole nutrition and the fitness plan and check in with you weekly about your goals. And you get access to her via text if you need it or have specific questions.

I think that sounds perfect for me.

I’ve just been holding off. I was going to buy it several months ago, but instead I spent money on (more) improv classes. I have no regrets about that choice (even though they’re not yet paid off…), but I’d like to refocus sometime soon on getting in badass shape like this chick. If I had spent my money on this, I would have spent like 1/3 of what I spent on my improv classes. If that gives you any perspective about how expensive friggin classes are out here in LA.

I haven’t committed to it yet. I’m letting myself recover financially from some other choices and trying to get some money coming in from some of the (many) investments I’ve made over the past year.

But hopefully soon I can get up off my butt and support this lady who will in turn support me on my own fitness journey.

Until then, I’m considering myself a lazy coach potato.

I used (a lot) of parenthesis in this (blog) post. I (don’t) know why. I (do) know it’s confusing. I’m (very) sorry (?).

My REAL Fitness Pal

bestiesI’m trying it again. If you recall, I think My Fitness Pal is a jerk. But, as I mentioned earlier in this week, I’m on a Data Diet. And because I can’t fork up the big bucks for a personal trainer or a personalized diet and fitness coach yet, I’m gonna give this asshole app another try. But this time, I’ve enlisted help from a friend.

My friend let me stay with him for Comic Con and we were lucky enough to get to hang out almost all weekend. And he got to meet Data, too. And he was as inspired to get into shape as I am. So we talked about it and decided we’d get each other’s backs and do this dumb Fitness Pal thing again.

So I made him my friend on there (the only one I have because I don’t like sharing all my information with everyone- contrary to the impression this website may give…). I can see how he’s doing and he can see how I’m doing. And because I don’t see him every day and only chat with him periodically, it could be perfect. I’m gonna assume he’s working hard at his diet and exercise and he’ll assume the same for me. And we can check in with each other’s progress on the app. And provide moral support when needed. And not let each other get away with excuses.

At least that’s the hope. We’ll see how it goes…

 

Pants Trick

pants_too_largeAs usual, I put too much on my plate. And as usual, my workouts are suffering as a result.

I don’t foresee a time when I can really get back to the gym at the level I want until after my birthday on August 15 (Happy early birthday? Awww aren’t you sweet! Thank you!). I’ve got a lot of great things happening up until then and I’m gonna have to rest on my laurels and do some quick at-home workouts until then.

So to keep myself from going crazy, I’m going to have to watch my diet more rigorously so I don’t expand like a balloon. And I’m going to do the old pants trick. Where I wear a set of jeans a bunch of times before I wash them. Not because I’m trying to be gross. But because they stretch out. And in stretching, they make me feel skinnier. Like I’ve lost weight. When I know I haven’t… but at least my body thinks it’s still in good shape.

Hooray for poor hygiene!

*If you don’t want to hang out with me until August 16 when I return to regularly scheduled washing of my clothes… I’ll understand. But I’ll still expect a Happy Birthday text on the 15th. 

Body Balance

I try and be good to my body. I try and exercise regularly and watch what I eat. i-love-healthy-eating

But there are times that my schedule gets out of control. Times when I don’t keep lots of nutritious food in the fridge. Times when I don’t have the budget to go get all the healthy items I want that I know my body will appreciate. Times when I have rice for breakfast, beans and cheese for lunch, and rice and beans for dinner.

I know this is because I’m choosing to focus my very limited resources on creative projects, so so I’m ok with this.

For now.

But I need to make sure to stay balanced. Because our bodies are forgiving, but they can only take so much abuse.

If I workout regularly, my body will crave nutrients. It will want the colorful veggies and fruits that will replenish it and give it more energy. And, as I’ve mentioned before, I have a weird palette  that naturally loves healthy foods. I’m lucky in that way. But don’t really have the financial resources right now to make sure that’s always a reality.

Luckily, we can go through periods of feast and famine and our body will forgive us. Thanks to years of evolution where food wasn’t as readily available, we can adjust easily to whatever out external environment.

But I do hope some of this changes soon. Because I love my fruits and veggies. And I would love to have them more regularly. And give them to my body as a little “Thank you” for all that it does for me.

Until then, it’s all about the rehydrated beans and rice.

Bye bye sugah

sugarIt’s time for me to say goodbye to a dear friend of mine. You probably know her. Her name is Sugar, and she’s everywhere.

I’m a pretty goal-oriented person. I set year-long goals and quarterly goals. I regularly check in with my goals and see how it’s going. I’ve had one goal that has just consistently taken a backseat. And as I was looking at the reasoning why, it’s because of that sneaky little mistress of mine… sugar.

I need to tone up and slim down. I need to for my own sake- just to prove that I can. And I need to because there are a few roles and opportunities I need to tone up for (please read my previous post on being fit in all sizes).

So I’ve decided to just make it a specific goal. No sugar for this quarter. April 1-June 30. No excess sugar.

I’m going to be reasonable. If there’s sugar in fruit, fine. I’m not yet giving up my precious alcohol (which I drink very rarely anyway). I’m not going to freak out if I find out there’s some extra sugar in a product I already ate.

I’m just going to go cold turkey on eating foods I know have excess sugar. And if you know me… and how I feel about sweets, you’ll know this is enough of a challenge in itself.

So wish me luck. And any tips you may have on how to get through this dark time, I would very much appreciate.

Yummy in my Tummy

I’ve been a little busy. I like to stay busy, as many of you know. But the past couple weeks have been exceptionally busy. The little free time I typically get to get myself in order is being spent coordinating and producing (and filming!) my upcoming web series The Other Client List (which, by the way, is super fun and going to be really really funny so you should totally check it out…)

Now, more than every, it’s extremely important I watch what nutrition I put in my body. Mostly because, I don’t have all the time I usually have to workout. I shoot for about 5 days per week at the gym…but lately I’m lucky if I can squeeze in 3.

I’m ok with it. I’m trying to give myself a break. I know that it’s only temporary while I focus really hard on my series. I know sometimes these things come up and there’s only so many hours in the day. I also know and respect the value of sleep- so I’m not willing to give it up too much. So on the weekends where I only sleep about 6 hours in 2 days… I’m going to sleep in the next day and let myself rest. Which will probably mean I’m not going to the gym. And that’s ok.

We focus a lot on going to the gym as the main way to get and stay healthy. And while it’s a huge part of the equation, nutrition is just as (and maybe even more) important. I’ve worked out for years, but I don’t see big results in my body unless I’m also careful about my nutrition.

And because I’ve been really careful about it the past few weeks, I’m starting to see some results. So I want to keep seeing more results. But I have to do it (right now) without the added benefit of an hour or more at the gym every day because I simply don’t have the time. So I’ve been focusing even more on my nutrition. I’ve been watching calories and controlling portions. Because I want to continue to see results. And because I know that I can only do so much.

So I’ll keep watching what I eat when I can. And knowing that sometimes you just have to chill out and recognize that you can’t do it all.

And now here’s a shot of me stuffing my face with Cookie Crisps for a scene. This shot alone was probably more calories than I have for breakfast and lunch on a good nutrition day. And I could feel the sugar in my esophagus for the next six hours.

Bianca cereal

Totally worth it.

Strange Taste

I have a weird palette. Aside from my sweet tooth, I actually really like healthy foods. Usually more than their less healthy counter parts.

I prefer steel cut oats with a little agave to Quaker Oats with sugary flavoring and maple syrup. I prefer two poached eggs with a little garlic to buttery fried eggs with tons of cheese. I prefer a tuna to pasta. I prefer salads to sandwiches.

I love juices and smoothies. I don’t like fast food. I don’t like hash browns but I love baked yams. I love the taste of wheatgrass. I sip it like a nice martini instead of taking it like a shot.

I don’t know if I’ve cultivated these tastes from years of watching what I eat and researching the benefits of healthy food, or if I just lucked out in the taste department and happen to prefer the stuff that’s good for my body. Either way, it serves me well.

Unless I’m hormonal. When I’m hormonal, I only want salt and vinegar potato chips and mountains of chocolate. But when I’m hormonal, I also prefer men who figure skate and talk feelings to my usual muscly caveman grunty type. So I’m not exactly myself.

Sup wit supps?

I need to add more supplements to my diet and workout regimen.

I go hard at the gym. Especially since my time is very limited and I’m only able to go 3-5 days per week (in an ideal world, I could go daily! Or guarantee 5 days!)

I like having my protein shake afterwards. My body is shaky and craving refueling. It’s good when I can provide exactly what it wants so that it doesn’t get confused and crave weird things thinking those things will have the nutrients I’m lacking.

The other day, I had a pre-workout shake. It was meant to give you extra energy so you can get even more out of your workout. It was fantastic.

I’m on a bit of a budget right now, though, so the supplements are limited (ie lacking). So I have to try and eat healthy before and after as best I can.

But really, I need some basic supplements. Because they’re made for people like me, who take their workout and nutrition seriously. Even just some basic protein powder. I need that.

I NEEDZ IT IN ME BODY. OTHERWISE ME GETS WACKY. ME HASN’T HAD IT LATELY. SO ME GETTING WACKY.

P.S. Insider tip: Supplementwarehouse.com