Gymversations

Shut up.talking-cell-phone-bench-press-set

Sorry. Not you.

Unless you were ¬†the asshole on his phone the entire time he was lifting last week. If that’s the case, SHUT UP.

Allow me to explain my rudeness (which is brought about by your rudeness).

I get it. I do. You’re super busy and important. You have many leather-bound books and your apartment smells of rich mahogany. And you quote movies to make people laugh because you probably don’t have a lot of original jokes of your own. I get it. And I get you.

But I don’t want to hear you. I’ve got my headphones in. Do you see? Of course you don’t. You’re not looking at me. You’re staring at yourself talking on the phone in the mirror and you’re enjoying what you see. Meanwhile, the rest of us are wondering if you’re going to be giving up that coveted flat bench anytime soon so we can actually use it.

But you don’t care. You’ve gotta talk to your buddy about that chick you got digits from last night. You haven’t called yet. You’re playing it cool. Playing the game. As a woman myself I’ll be surprised if those digits were actually real. But maybe you knew that. Maybe you called immediately when you got home to tell her goodnight and realized they weren’t real. And your feelings were hurt. And you cuddled up with your blankie and watched The New Girl to feel better. But you don’t want your bro to know that. So you’re gonna pretend like you didn’t call. And that you’re totally the man. And that you’re amazing.

I hear you.

No. I mean I physically hear you.

And you’re annoying. And you’re saying nothing of import. And this conversation can wait. So get off the phone and get back to that bench press. Or I, the only chick in this weight room, will throw you off of it. And that’ll be¬†embarrassing for you. And your bro on the phone. And no amount of New Girl will be able to laugh it away.

So hang up, shut up, and please get back to lifting.

I thank you.

Sore is Good

If you’re out of shape and you first start working out, almost anything you do is going to make you really sore.

As you get into a workout routine, your body adapts. If you do exercises regularly, it’s harder to make your body sore unless you push it. It’s still very doable (up the reps, increase the weight, do a combination of both).

I make a little next-day soreness a goal of every workout. I want to be able to feel the difference in my body. It’s easy to be complacent and be ok with just getting to the gym. And at a certain point in your fitness goals, that can be a major accomplishment.

But soreness means you’ve pushed past a previous barrier. Your body is recovering from something you did that shocked it. It’s replacing the old stuff with something stronger.

Like anything else, a little pain means a lot of gain.

So know that the dumb walk you have to do because your legs are still killing you from yesterday’s squats should be a stride of pride, not a walk of shame.

And now, here’s the poster from the movie “Pain and Gain” for your inspirational viewing.

pain and gain