Emerging from the Cocoon

butterflyFor my consistent readers, you may recall that I recently posted about “Going in.” I was entering a phase of intense work on both my productivity and myself.

I thought I would come out in early December. Turns out, I’ve got more work to do.

While I already feel like I’ve made some progress, and I’m certainly working on some issues I knew I needed to work on while going in, I’m not in any big hurry to reenter society yet. Of course I’m still going out and working as usual in many ways, but it’s a mental attitude shift that I’m going through right now. I’m being extra aware of my emotions and mind and spending huge chunks of free time filling my brain with information. I’m taking extra time to work on me and reshaping my own foundation. And it turns out, it feels pretty good to take the time to do this. And there’s more work here than I anticipated. So I’m gonna stay in for a little while longer.

It’s like when you take your car in and get an estimate on some obvious damage, then when they actually open the car up they realize there’s a lot more damage than they anticipated and it’s gonna take longer than you thought. That’s what’s happening with me right now. At least that’s how I feel.

And that’s ok. We’re all damaged. I’m going through some serious physical and mental makeovers at the moment. We’re upgrading and prepping for the craziness ahead and I wanna make sure the car is in perfect working order before we go test the limits.

I’ll probably be here throughout the rest of the year. Don’t worry about me. In fact, maybe take some time for you. It’s not terrible here in the cave. Sure, emotions run rampant and there’s intense fear you’ve got to face head-on daily… but it’s kind of exhilarating, too.

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Doggone Relaxed

RomeoOver Thanksgiving, I had a serious boyfriend. He is the most handsome creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. His name is Romeo. Which is perfect for him because he is a love bug.

My original goals over Thanksgiving last week were to be really productive and to finish up a bunch of projects I was working on. But then I got to hang with my boyfriend Romeo.

And here’s the thing- I actually relaxed. Over a holiday. Can you imagine?

If you know anything about me, you know I LOVE work and be productive. But I also LOVE dogs. And since I have a crazy schedule at the moment, I don’t really have time for a dog. So I live vicariously through other people’s dogs. Like the perfect and sweet Romeo.

And it was actually really wonderful. We went on several walks every day. Sometimes he would come over and look at me and I would know it’s time to stop working and give him attention. And we would snuggle for long periods of time.

And I would actually relax. Like deepbreathsmilingandgigglingathiscuteness-style relax. And it was wonderful. And a real vacation. And dang… I needed it.

And yeah we took a lot of selfies. Look at him. You’d do the same and you know it.

Thank you, sweet Romeo for getting me to stop, drop, and roll around with your cuddly-cute-self. You’re my most successful romantic relationship to date.

 

Vacay

IIMG_6291 am good at going. I am good at doing. I am good at moving.

I am not very good at stopping.

But I recently was fortunate enough to get to stop for a while.

Through a series of fortunate circumstances, I snagged a four night vacation in Hawaii.

Lucky. I know. Believe me… I know.

I was of course looking forward to some time in paradise. But I wasn’t sure what I was really going to do with myself. I wasn’t going on my own so it’s not like I could do what I normally do when left alone and create a series of make-believe characters that converse with each other. I couldn’t even really take too much time to write or work on any of the pending projects I’ve got coming up because I wanted to actually enjoy the beauty around me.

So I had to stop. For a period of time.

I had to not make plans. Not contact people. Stay off my phone as much as possible. And just enjoy the scenery around me.

And I’ll be honest, it was extremely refreshing. I read two books. Two! I never take the time to even finish one because I only have a few minutes here and there in my day. But I had time to read two!

I went for hikes. I woke up energized with the sun and watched it rise over the ocean from my incredible balcony view. I saw rainbows and went swimming in the refreshing water. I took deep breaths and enjoyed myself in the moment.

And I came back totally ready to work again. But this time, with a new revitalized perspective. I’ve relaxed because the relaxation of the vacation and the island seeped into my core.

I love traveling. I haven’t traveled (for pleasure) much lately. And this was a good reminder that taking a few days off make a huge different in my happiness and productivity levels. So even though I’m not always good at stopping and it can take me a bit to build back up the momentum I had before stopping… I think once in a while it’s worth it.

A Tizzy Makes You Dizzy

I got myself in a bit of a tizzy this morning.

Have you ever done this? Tizzied out? Gotten all frazzled on your own account?

It’s not super fun. And it makes you feel a little out-of-body while it’s happening. You know you’re being a jerk, and you know you’re saying things you don’t exactly mean, but you can’t help yourself.

Basically, I’m adjusting to some transitions in my already pretty packed schedule. I’m hitting up more open mics and comedy shows late at night – which I love. And I’m also trying to still get up in the early mornings for workouts- which I also love. And I’m trying to spend lots of time working on my own creative projects- which I love. Meanwhile, I’m trying to have actual income through my day job- which I’m lucky enough to truly enjoy as well.

So I can put myself in a tizzy by pushing the expectations I have for what’s possible on a daily basis. I woke up tense and spent all morning tensely working on several projects. And I could have been okay…if I hadn’t gone to the post office to get stamps. Only to find out the post office was out of stamps. No wonder they’re going out of business.

And then it was game-on for tizzyland. I was so angry and anxious and frustrated and tense and I didn’t like the feelings at all- they were just there. I wish I had more time in the day. I wish I had more money in my pocket. I wish I didn’t have to sleep away 5-7 hours every night because it’s so unproductive.

But mostly I wished I could relax a little and enjoy the moment.

But the thing about getting yourself into a tizzy is, the very thing you want to do- stop being in a tizzy- is what you focus on so hard that it puts you in more of a tizzy! A downward spiral of frustrating tizzyness!

I did eventually get out of it. I went to the gym. I got some things done. I got to work. I ate a sandwich. I took a breath. I relaxed. I returned to normalcy.

And now that I’m out of that state of mind, I need to remind myself to enjoy the journey. It’s easier said than done when it’s tax season and the bill collectors come calling and there are classes and marketing to invest in while trying to maintain rent and basic car expenses… but there’s a part of me that knows deep down, I’ll miss the feeling of the struggle once so many goals are attained.

So I’m glad I got in a tizzy. It was a reminder to be more proactive about maintaining a positive outlook. And to be more proactive about taking care of myself and my needs while on this crazy journey. It will be all worth it once the investment starts paying dividends.

A cool thing happened in the height of my tizzy. Florence and the Machine’s “Shake it Out” played on the radio right as I turned it on. And that song does something to me that definitely helped calm me down. Probably worth the $1.29 investment on iTunes to prevent further tizzies from gaining too much momentum in the future.

So shake off those tizzys before you make yourself dizzy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs