While wearing a skintight nude bikini, licking her lips and thrusting her hips seductively, Lady Gaga encourages fans to be celibate

Fame monger and occasional musician, Lady Gaga is once again seeking the spotlight. This time, however, her message is genuinely surprising- a tough task for a woman who seems to pride herself on keeping her fans surprised. She is preaching abstinence.

What makes this move so surprising to so many of her fans and supporters is that the words she is saying seem opposite to the entire method behind her becoming such a superstar.

In every music video she has made, there are explicit physical references to sexual activity. Whether it be lying on a bed seductively, thrusting her hips repeatedly on couches, or-as in the most recent music video- an explicit shot where heavy petting in sensitive areas takes place while making out, Lady Gaga seems to relish in the attention her sexuality has gotten her. However, she has begun talking about and preaching celibacy to her fans and supporters.

Cherie, a 16-year-old supporter from Long Island, says, “It’s like a baker telling you that you shouldn’t bake in order to be like him. It just doesn’t make sense.” She adds, “I’m really confused.”

While the idea behind celibacy and abstinence are gaining in popularity for celebrities across the board, Lady Gaga does not seem to be one of the role models who’s work supports her supposed lifestyle.

Yet, fans are listening intently to everything she both says and does. Hoards of Gaga supporters have begun wearing stripper clothing and taking pole dancing classes, hoping to meet and seduce men they want to be platonic friends with.

Another culture revolution, courtesy of Lady Gaga.

Britney Spears promises next song will not have sexual undertones

After a slew of songs that are all based around one single message and theme-sexuality-Britney Spears has promised to reinvent herself yet again. She claims to want to appear wholesome to the American public again, and to send a positive message to the millions of young girls who listen to her music and support her career.

The change came about after Spears’ latest hit singles, “If U Seek Amy” and “3”, barely try to hide anymore that her underlying message is sexual. These songs parallel her stage outfits which also barely try to hide, well, anything on her body.

Spears’ claims to have realized that she is in a position of influence on American culture and wants to use her power to make good. She says next time she’s in the recording studio repeating a few lines over and over to a techno beat background, she will attempt for those lines to be wholesome. Or at least neutral. No sexuality at all.

With Spears’ celebrity power and the millions of dollars she commands every performance, it could mark an incredible shift music industry standards.

Britney Spears already admits lying about most recent promise

After claiming she would attempt to be wholesome for the first time in her career, Britney Spears has now reneged on her promise to not have sexual undertones in her songs. She said simply, “Yeah, my agent said it would be a good PR stunt if I told y’all that. No way I’m gonna do it though.”

At her follow up press conference, Spears was wearing nothing but three strategically placed maple leaves. She did a pole dance, shimmied, and made small screams and wink at all reporters-male and female.