Cologne Incapacitation

I’ve said it before. I will say it again.5170609728_24be6c86ba_z

I know a body like the guy in this cologne ad requires a lot of time at the gym. I get it. And I thank you for your service to society by creating such sexiness.

But my god- I cannot breathe when you spray heaps of cologne on your body then begin to sweat it off at the gym. It becomes more potent than it already is without sweating. It is awful. I need to gasp for air.

Please. Please. Please, fellas. If you feel the need to be attractive at the gym, do so with an extra tight shirt or fitted spinning pants. Please… spare us with the cologne.

This is my last nice warning. The next time I write about this, shit will get real.

Thank you.

Easy on the Cologne, Fellas

cologneI go to a douchebaggy gym.┬áIt’s not the gym’s fault. It’s just in a pretty douchebaggy location.

Normally, I don’t mind it. For the most part, the douchebags are too busy staring at themselves in the mirror to notice me.

But there is one element about my gym I hate.

Douchebags wear a lot of cologne. And when they sweat, it smells. Strongly. And when a lot of douchebags are in one small location (aka a weight room) and they are all sweating together…it reeks of cologne.

I actually have had to start modifying which gym I go to (because I belong to a huge chain that has several locations all over the city) based on the time of day. I cannot stand to be in my gym between 5-9 pm on a weekday. It’s honestly unbearable.

It’s really just more motivation for continuing to get up early and get my workout in during the wee hours of the morning before all the douchebags have woken up and poured Axe Body Spray on their bodies for the day. The morning can be busy but bearable. And the smell is neutral. Which, it turns out, is important to me.

I literally just shuddered when thinking about how terrible that weight room smells in the evenings. Uggghhhh. The horror.


I live in an apartment with a shared laundry facility. It’s old school. We still use quarters and have hand-written signs above the washer and dryer with instructions. It smells weird and costs too much for a load of laundry. I’m not the biggest fan of doing laundry as a result.

But I have to get over that. Why? Because I workout. And when you workout, you sweat. And those sweaty clothes need to be cleaned because you only have a small number of sweaty clothes available. So you have to clean those clothes. So I suck it up, get my quarters, and do laundry often in the jankity washer and dryer.

I’ve known people who wear the same thing to the gym almost every day. They just hang up the dirty clothes by a window and re-wear them until they’re absolutely unbearable, then they wash them. Yes, these people are men. And, yes, it’s totally gross. They reek when they’re at the gym. I’m not a clean freak, but I have standards for myself.

And, I have to admit, there’s a weird part of me that feels proud that most of my laundry is gym clothes. It means I’ve been productive and sweat a lot. And lots of productivity and sweat means self-improvement. And self-improvement means growth. And growth means change. And change is good.

Speaking of- anybody have any change? I’m out of quarters and have a load of dirty gym clothes that need cleaning.