Onslaught of detailed tweets affirms water on outside window is rain

Charlene Grandview heard small taps on her outside window as she sat in her living room in Springfield, Illinois. As she looked at the window, there seemed to be some sort of watery substance that was hitting the window panes. Unsure where to look for further details on the mystery, she logged onto her trusty Twitter and began checking the Tweets of people she knew were local.

Many of the Tweets discussed rain or the rain they were hearing outside their window. Many of them used the rain as an excuse for not exercising or any number of other excuses for not doing a simple act. These numerous Tweets she read and responded to, affirmed for Hoffer that it was, in fact, raining outside her window.

“Sure, I could have just checked Weather.Com or logged on to my local online news source and found out if it’s raining in my area, but I figured Twitter would be more up to date than those sources,” Hoffer claims.

When asked if she considered simply stepping outside to see if it was raining or not, she looked befuddled and said, “But, I could get wet. Plus, I wanted to see what was trending at the time.”

Girl admits using Facebook and Twitter status updates to make others feel lazy

The obsession began when Mya Wilkins started working out more often. Like many people, Wilkins had a tough time sticking to any fitness routine. She would often lose her motivation and find herself making excuses for not working out after about a month’s time.

Social media, however, changed this for Wilkins and many others. “Now, every time I work out, I like to post what I did on both Facebook and Twitter,” she explains. “That way, I know other people know how hard I’m working. It makes me not only feel better, but I know I’m making others feel lazy. It’s really satisfying.”

Wilkins is not alone in her love for posting her workout routine online. Several hundred people have found a new love for using their online media sources as motivation for continuing strenuous workout routines.

“It’s way better than any personal trainer, for me,” Wilkins adds. She began working out seven months ago, and has been consistent about it every since her first Facebook status update, in which she wrote “Feeling great after a hard morning workout!” Ever since, she has been writing daily about her routines, even writing “I wish I had time to run today :(“ on her off-days.

“Of course I’m not always being honest about how much I enjoy working out or how hard I actually worked,” admits Wilkins. “But the online community doesn’t have to know that. As long as they feel lazier and I have a sense of moral and physical superiority over them, I’m happy.”

Woman arrested in a Starbucks in Cambridge, MA for disorderly conduct when she complained about the amount of foam in her latte

A woman was arrested this past weekend in for complaining about the amount of foam in her latte at Starbucks. Janice Darby, a 36-year-old mother in Cambridge, MA, apparently became irate upon receiving her Starbucks drink. “I ordered a no-foam, grande, soy, extra hot latte, and I got a foamy, grande, soy, extra hot latte. I come here every day and get the same thing. These people know me. They’re like my neighbors. This is like my home. I go on vacation for one week and suddenly I’m like a stranger who likes foam in her latte. You tell me how I’m supposed to stay calm.”

Eyewitnesses claim that Darby saw the foam and asked for another drink. When the Starbucks officials refused, she became irate, screaming and flailing around the store. She even, supposedly, hopped over the counter and began throwing foam at the workers. At that point, somebody had Tweet-ed about the destruction, the Cambridge police force caught wind of it through Twitter, and came to arrest the woman.”

“I think there is a much deeper level of discrimination going on here,” claims Darby’s lawyer, Mike Hutchinson. “Many housewives are often portrayed as high-maintenance. There is a definite history here with Starbucks, more than other coffee companies, upsetting these women…disproportionately. The public needs to start having this very serious discussion about how to keep our housewives from becoming desperate because nobody likes desperate housewives. Absolutely nobody.”

Until then, Darby remains in her coffee and foam-free home on bail awaiting a trial date set for late September.