A Time to Talk…

toilet…And a Time to Pee

If you know anything about my personality, you know I am extremely efficient with my time. I’m all about time-management and organization. I’m extremely organized and like to make the most of my day. So much so, I recently started a business that allows me to help other people do the same.

But there is one thing I will never do.

I don’t carry on conversations while on the toilet, people. I just don’t do it.

Now, listen. I’m reasonable. I have a partner who when I was once chatting with for the first time on Skype, really had to go to the bathroom but didn’t want to interrupt our flow, so he or she may have used it while we continued to chat. Yes, it wasn’t my style. But I didn’t care all that much because I’m a comedian and that shits hilarious. And it didn’t have any negative outcome on our excellent partnership.

So I get it. Sometimes you really gotta go.

But, for the most part, can we keep our regular conversations off the toilet? I was in a public restroom not long ago and a woman was chit chatting about nothing while sitting in the stall next to me. It was weird. I didn’t feel right. Why continue to have the conversation? Call them back. If it’s not an emergency… call them back. You’re peeing. It’s weird.

And believe you me, if anyone enjoys a good potty humor joke, it’s this chick. But I don’t enjoy a joke that’s told to me while on the potty. (Yes, I call it a potty. I’ve babysat a lot. Deal with it.) Or anyone saying anything to anyone else while peeing. Because you’re peeing. So just, like, pee. And get it over with. Don’t multi-task. Just do it. Then wipe and wash and move on.

I would love to spend the rest of this article going on about the logic behind this request. Or have some profound insight into why it is that it feels so wrong to do this. But I don’t have anything. It’s just weird. So… like, don’t do it anymore, humans of earth? Ok?

Thanks.

Happy Birthday, Padre

Today is my dad’s birthday. I’ve talked about how much I adore this man and his incredible creativity and sense of humor before.

In honor of his birthday, I’ve published live one of my latest creations from one of my strangest characters. Check out “Meet Zee: Documentary of a Weirdo” live online now.

I don’t mind if you don’t get her. She’s not for everyone. And I know my dad will love it. And that’s all I care about.

Love you daddy. Now enjoy your weirdo daughter.

Zeekeela, the Weirdo

IMG_5079I may have mentioned before I’m a bit of a weirdo. I create alternative personalities who live lives on their own. I refuse to admit that I’m the same person as these alternative personalities. Unless you consider what I just wrote as an admission. In which case, I vehemently deny what I just wrote.

I’m confused.

The point is, one of these personalities- and arguably my weirdest by far- is a chick named Zeekeela Tloxlan. She thinks she’s an alien. Who goes on missions. And will be sent home once all her missions are complete.

Yep. That’s the gist of it.

This past Labor Day weekend, I got the joy of bringing her to life with a wonderful team of people I am lucky enough to have met who let people like Zeekeela come alive onscreen. We filmed a short documentary about what a day in her life is like. Hint: It’s weird.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to show it to the world soon. Eventually, I would love for Zeekeela to go on “missions” throughout the United States and maybe internationally. She usually believes she’s on a mission when she’s sent outside of Los Angeles anyway. She’s such a friggin’ weirdo.

I’m excited to see the final product. I was lucky to have such a spectacular team involved. I’m always lucky when I get to create because it’s what I love to do most.