Fox News finally admits not caring about being “fair and balanced”

After days of explaining how their slogan of “fair and balanced” can be justified with hiring of new commentator Sarah Palin, a near demigod to neoconservatives, Fox News representatives have finally admitted to not actually caring about the truth behind their slogan.

“She’ll make us money and attract more of the types of people who watch our programming,” says Rex Freeman, a representative of the station. “Plus, for the types of people who already agree with the overtly biased news we put out, it will seem ‘fair and balanced’ which is all we really care about.”

Fox News came up with the “fair and balanced” slogan after accusations that their news had a clearly conservative bias and spin to their stories. It was their way of saying “nuh-uh!” to many other news stations who went above and beyond to find out all sides of a story before presenting it.

From the beginning of the slogan’s implementation, there was worry that people would think they were a little too over-the-top about it. Like a schoolgirl who blushes and gets flustered when asked if she has a crush on the football team’s captain, adamantly denying that she has any feelings for him at all, Fox News wanted people to know-at least on the surface-that they care about providing good news, not just pandering to a very specific segment of the population and playing up on their fears and worries to make more money.

Despite admitting that the slogan is not exactly the station’s top priority, there is absolutely no talk of getting rid of it. Freeman explains, using the schoolgirl analogy, “You can’t just start saying ‘no comment’ if people ask you if you like somebody. They’re going to assume you do. You have to stay adamant that you don’t, even if it’s obvious the opposite is true.”

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